Thorns & Roses [7]

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*coughobviouscough*
haha. I love it!
I don't have any grammar things. Buuut my romantic cliche side thinks that kiss was lame! haha Gimme more! Anywho. I'm likeing your cliff hanger this time. I'm really excited and wondering why they look alike. This time I have no idea. haha.
Keep going, Pink!

Jayleigh, you aren't reading my stuff anymore but your first at Pink's! Ha! LOL

Pink! I don't care if anyone says it's cliché; I loved it! Keep it coming! I'm sorry if Kevin likes her, but I prefer 'cucumber' to 'Vicks' LOL

Tanya

Right then ... Here to review!

“Would you calm down first?!” He growled, angrier than I thought he might have been.
I closed my eyes and sucked in a breath. “I’m okay, I’m calm. I got this,” I whispered, biding my irritation.
He got up and pulled me up to my feet, except he pulled a little too hard. I knocked into his chest and our feet tangled together. I yelped, feeling the whole world tip as I fell onto him. My head bounced as we hit the ground. The next thing I knew, my lips were on his.
Gasp, like literally.
My eyes rocketed wide with complete and utter shock.
My expression was mirrored on his face as well.
I got up and screamed. I crawled off his body and sat on the grass a few feet away from him with my hands covering my mouth.
He sat up, his lips agape.
We stared at each other for a few measly seconds with strange looks pastured onto our faces.
Nick scratched the back of his neck and coughed. “Um…that was little too cliché don’t you think?”
I nodded.
He smirked, “Don’t be so conscious cucumber, that wasn’t like a real kiss or anything. Our lips touched for three seconds.”
“I’m not being conscious,” I retorted

Ack. I was really not a fan of this whole opening thing. It all went too fast, and was a little off-putting. I don't know ... it didn't really seem right. It felt rushed, and then they didn't react in the way you'd expect. I just didn't like it, really. It wasn't on par with your usual lovely writing style.

He looked at me, studying my almost-teary eyes. “It's fate I guess.”

I think you need an apostrophe? But I'm in the middle of a brain-fart right now.

Usually I don’t say anything about my mom or the past but for some reason. I wanted to pour it all out into Nick’s bowl.

You'll want a comma in the middle instead of a period (full stop).

“Jasmine, she knows Nick’s ex-girlfriend.”
It took me a moment to take that in. I didn’t know why it made me upset to hear something about Nick’s ex-girlfriend. I was sure he had plenty of pretty girlfriends before and I didn’t understand why Kevin would mention anything about them to me…
“So?” I asked, annoyed.
“So, I told her about you training with Nick and she got all surprised. She said Nick’s ex-girlfriend looks a lot like you, like actually really similar,” he said with his words fast and slurred.
I gulped, twirling the wire around my finger. “T-that’s impossible. Don’t joke around, Kevin.”
“I’m not joking. Jasmine has some pictures of her on her cell phone … I think you should come over…” he answered lowly.

This feels ... sudden. And odd. And slightly annoying. Maybe a better way to do it would be that Vicky meets up with Jasmine, tells her about Nick, and then Jasmine can tell her this whole caboodle in person? It feels really odd this way. Sorry if that's just me, though.

But, yeah. I didn't enjoy this chapter as much as the others. Thing is, there are some really great plot ideas (I especially like the cliff-hanger at the end) but it doesn't read right. It feels kind of rushed and I didn't enjoy that. However, you still manage to write an engaging chapter which is lovely. It's just not as lovely as the rest, in my opinion. Sorry (again) if this is just me. I'm in a bit of a nitpicky mood.

~Amy

I love it, so what if the kiss was a lil cliche! It was sweet and innocent, I really hope Nick doesn't think of Vicks as a replacement for his ex, cause that would suck! PLus I hope that Kevin doesn't have the hots for Vicks, that just bothers me. Pink, another job well done, looking forward to the next chapter, plus I can't wait until you bring back Soul Catchers, I really liked that one.

Woah. You have finally written the story that I have nothing to correct! haha just kidding.

Okay:

I took in a breath before answering. Usually I don’t say anything about my mom or the past but for some reason. I wanted to pour it all out into Nick’s bowl. Maybe mix our tragic lives together. Hopefully I’d feel a little better then. Maybe he’d feel a little better. Or maybe I just wanted him to know that he wasn’t the only one.

I just wanted to tell you that this is the best sentence you have ever written, or from what I have read.

I slowly got up and rubbed my face with my palms.

I think it would sound better if you said: I got up slowly...

And that's it!

Nick
I am beginning to like him more and more. Your really manned him up this chapter, good job! He is the prefect guy, and even though he said those things about Vicks not winning because she's a girl, well, I still like him! (even though very against sexism, and I do know that he wasn't meaning to be sexist, it's just how I am)

Kevin
We heard so much about him in the first couple chapters, and now he has disappeared! I am so sad because I like him-a bunch!

Plot
Hmm, I am definitely excited to see what happens here. I am a little scared, but at the same time, I do think that Vicks is making a big deal about this. But that's just me, you know? haha

I really like it!

Classy

Aqua-
I get what you mean by the whole fast pace thing. I'll try harder next time and I'll do my best to edit this chapter, thank you

Everyone else, thanks for the reviews! I'm taking in what you guys have said and hopefully improving. Sorry if it's not as good as the previous chapters - I'm working on it.
Thanks again, everyone.

~Pink

Yay, its another one!
I loved the kiss, it was cute...and then the similar thing...totally unexpected.
Haha, I love this story. Can't wait for the next piece, it honestly kills me to wait so long ! Looks like I was too late to review once again, but hey, that just means I get to compliment. : )
Keep Writing!
~Shaard

I just read all of your chapters of Thorns & Roses. I love it. It flows well and the characters are really devoloping a wonderful relationship. I feel as though I should nit-pik more, but I can't seem to find anything really wrong with it. The only thing I have to say about it is that I say that you posted this chapter in January. It's the end of August now. Have you stopped writing this story? Or have you just stopped posting it? If it is the latter, I will now proceed to be a bother, and beg you to post the remaining portions.

Hello, Book here

3 words Pink, I loved it!!. As usual, I'm a fan of your work :3
give me more, some people might the kissing part cliche, but i think it was sweet i can't wait for the next chapter.
Keep on writing! :3

~Book Person~