My mind sucker

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TheUnknownPoet
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Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:38 pm
TheUnknownPoet says... · Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:38 pm
You know that moment when you fall out of doubt because your mind sucker just absorbed up all. I do. It just now happened to me this very moment

I was happy, she knows me like I know her

I was scared cause it’s freaky, you know, like mind suckers are

But all in all I appreciate her mind, as she sucked most of it from me
and I am egotistical after all
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Lumi
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Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:50 pm
Lumi says... · Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:50 pm
TheUnknownPoet wrote:You know that moment when
you fall out of doubt because
your mind-sucker just absorbed up(it?) all?

I do.
It just now happened
to me this very moment

I was happy;
she knew me like
I knew her

I was scared because it’s freaky,
you know, like mind suckers are

But all in all I appreciate
her mind, as she sucked
most of it from me;
and I am egotistical, after all.


Okay, so simply and quickly, this poem is a bit awkward to me. There's not really very much poetic about it...just about an abstract story. A mind-sucker sucks your mind. And that's it. Try adding imagery or metaphors or something...

You'll notice I edited spacing and entering and punctuation and stuff, so try to incorporate that.

-Lumiface
I am a forest fire and an ocean, and I will burn you just as much
as I will drown everything you have inside.
-Shinji Moon


I am the property of Rydia, please return me to her ship.
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