My Dog and Me

Hi Alzora here with another poem! Hope you like it!

Alzora



My Dog and Me

I watch my dog from my porch,
She stalks slowly through the grass.
She stops and watches as I walk off the porch.
She changes direction and is now stalking me,
I smile and the false seriousness in her eyes.
We both know it's all a game.

She gets close enough.
In an instant she's running at me.
I gasp and scream in fake surprise.
She barks happily.
I run from her and dive onto the ground.

Her tongue is on my face,
Her paws at my chest.
She stops and nuzzles me.
She lays next to me and nibbles my ear.
I giggle and gently pet her head.
She stares at me with milky brown eyes,
I stare back, smiling.
I can tell she and I have a connection,
We love each other and both of us know it.

I sigh contentedly and continue to stroke her,
She happily nudges me and licks my ear.

Me and my dog,
My dog and me.

Alzora wrote:Hi Alzora here with another poem! Hope you like it!

Alzora



My Dog and Me

I watch my dog from my porch,
She stalks slowly through the grass.
She stops and watches as I walk off the porch. This line is a bit long at awkward for the compared to the rest of your lines. Yes. the length isn't that different form the two before it, but the way you phrased it, it seems that way.
She changes direction and is now stalking me,
I smile and at? the false seriousness in her eyes.
We both know it's all a game.

She gets close enough.
In an instant she's running at me. I think you could use less common/more descriptive words for 'running' and 'instant'. Running is such a boring general term.
I gasp and scream in fake surprise. I don't think 'scream' is the best word here. First if I ever screamed when my cat was trying to pounce on me she would at least slow down. Also, the word screamed is a constant thing and really loud. Would you actually scream?
She barks happily.
I run from her and dive onto the ground.

Her tongue is on my face,
Her paws at my chest.
She stops and nuzzles me.
She lays next to me and nibbles my ear. You say 'she' and 'her' a lot here. It is kind of annoying. I think you might want to change up the structure of some of the lines.

O.K. overall this is a pretty good poem though it does need some work. I hope in my review I am not just forcing my style on you. The first thing that annoyed me about this is you tell, tell, tell. You never show. I like to put a mixture of each in my writing. Ha ha, I guess that is my only problem with the poem. It has the eloquence of being simple. P.M. me if you have any questions.

Hope I helped,

A. S.

Hey there Alzora, I like it. Calligraphy had done pretty much reviews for this poem and she already covered what I want to review about this poem. Just write more to improve it.


Keep writing,

Alicia.