Dear Humans,

Dear Humans,
I know you have an appointment with me and I am SO very sorry I couldn't make it. ( actually not really- it IS your mess I have to clean up after all.) I had an emergancy call down at the beach. Something about an oil spill? It sounds like a toughie. First I want to go over some things with you so your not in total shock when I do meet you. I AM NOT a grandmotherly type woman who has a knack for gardening ( So sterotypical by the way). I am tough and rough and pushy. I kinda havta be to live with what you people put against me. Ok ,so MAYBE that's not the reason. It's because I am the deserts and the the harsh mountins as well as the simple and pretty forest. I am the hurricanes and earthquakes as well as the gentle breezes. I know you have your complaints " I lost my house to a hurricane" or " A tree landed on my car." That's the reason you came right? To complain.I am sorry I hurt you truly but you hurt me to. Have you every stopped and picked up a plastic contanier off the ground? Or even just shut off the lights? No siree I didn't think so. Oh your getting better no doubt about that. Some of you are down right amazing. But if all of you helped out... I might finally get a well deserved break. The sadest part is that some of you don't even relize what I do for you. WHO helped you build log cabins when there wasn't such thing as " bricks"? WHO gives you relief on a hot day? WHO provides half the things you own? Sure ain't Britney Spears. Please reschedule your appointment. I didn't mean to scare 'ya. Looks like I might be busy for a while but I'll be around...
Naturally yours,
Mother Nature
6667 NorthEarthveiw, Center of the Universe

I thought this was a very good idea, and it was very entertaining to read. I do have some grammatical/spelling corrections to make for you (bold means I added something to correct the word/phrase/whatever, or else it's where I wrote a suggestion; red is where you should get rid of something), as well as a few suggestions for flow. I hope you find them helpful!

Dear Humans,

I know you have an appointment, blah,blah,blah, and I am SO very sorry I couldn't make it [make it to where? the appointment? because it sounds like the appointment is actually something she's keeping the humans from - maybe instead say "I know you had an appointment WITH me, and I am SO very sorry I couldn't make it, but I had an emergency call down at the beach.].

( actually not really- it IS your mess I have to clean up after all.) [this bit in parentheses seems to break up the flow a bit, consider deleting it]

I had an emergency call down at the beach.

Something about an oil spill? It sounds like a toughie. First I want to go over some things with you so you're not in total shock when I do meet you. I AM NOT a grandmotherly type of woman who has a knack for gardening.

(So stereotypical, by the way). [this parenthesis is unnecessary; you're telling them that you're not what they think you are, and what they think you are IS made up of a bunch of stereotypes, so you don't really need this]

I am tough and rough and pushy. I kinda havta [in letters you would write out "have to," but this one's your choice] be to live with what you people put up against me. Ok ,so MAYBE that's not the reason [the reason for what? the reason for you being rough and tough and pushy?].

It's because I am the deserts and the the harsh mountains as well as the simple and pretty forest. I am the hurricanes and earthquakes as well as the gentle breezes. I know you have your complaints: "I lost my house to a hurricane" or "A tree landed on my car." That's the reason you came, right? [came where? to the appointment they were supposed to have?]

To complain.I am truly sorry I hurt you truly, but you hurt me too. Have you every stopped and picked up a plastic containier off the ground? Or even just shut off the lights [that saves on your electricity bill more than saving the environment - maybe a different example would be better, like "or even just turn off the water while you brushed your teeth?"]?

No siree, I didn't think so. Oh, you're getting better, no doubt about that. Some of you are downright amazing. But if all of you helped out...I might finally get a well-deserved break. The saddest part is that some of you don't even realize what I do for you. WHO helped you build log cabins when there weren't such thing as " bricks"? [this sounds a bit strained - maybe say "who helped you build log cabins before you invented bricks?"

WHO gives you relief on a hot day? WHO provides half the things you own? Sure ain't Britney Spears. [hahaha!] Please reschedule your appointment. I didn't mean to scare 'ya. [how did she scare them? maybe you want to say "sorry to disappoint you" or something, if you mean that she's apologizing (or whatever) for not showing up to the appointment]

Looks like I might be busy for a while but I'll be around [eventually?]...

Naturally yours,

Mother Nature[code][/code]

Hahahah i reallly like this post. it made me laugh.
but what exactly do you mean by appt? just curious. you could have started it better but overall great piece

Hey Crafty, Pink here!

First of all, this is totally awesome. I love how you used mother nature's voice to write a letter to humans. It's funny and yet you sent a strong message. What you said is also true, I actually like this. Now, since Blue has already done most of the nitpicks I'm not going to bother with such things.

I know you have an appointment blah,blah,blah and I am SO very sorry I couldn't make it.

I was a bit confused with this part. What do you mean by appointment?

Other than that, I really don't have anything else to say. I really liked this piece and as long as you correct the little typos and everything, it's all good
*likes*

~Pink

* joyful squel*
Thanks for the reviews guys! Personally, I think the parentheses bring out Mother Nature's charecter. I love any reviews though!!! Also I added an address because I picture this being at her home ( the appointment that didn't happen). Thanks again!!!!!!

Hi there-
great concept!
I would consider running this through spellcheck, first of all. I would also consider changing//fixing up the tone a bit. It seems almost flippant towards the beginning. While the parantheses offer up some personality, they detract from the voice and the huge power that mother nature is. They make her seem almost childish.

I love how you expanded on the ungratefulness she feels... great job on that.

I would also break up the structure a bit- make paragraphs, make the breaks noticeable.

Also, how exactly could you have an appointment with Mother Nature? She's everywhere and is everything. I would either change this or expand on it a bit- you mention it a couple of times, and never explain or anything.


Anyways- great job. Love the concept.

-Coral-

HAHA! I LOOVED this! Are you an Eco-warrior off the clock too? Or was this for a science paper? Either way, it's awesome how you kind of spun Mother Nature's argument on us, and I like the address at the bottom too. Nice touch. (Grammar WAS a little off, but that sort of thing can be fixed)

Hello! This was so clever and fun to read. It really brought forth the message of how valuable our planet is.
Although, it was very short. I feel that if you added more it could develop more. Some parts, such as the blah,blah,blah, made her feel childish.
I really liked how you expaned and evolved Mother Nature's personality and emotions.
Nice Job.
~Ballerina

No this wasn't a science paper ( I'd get A good grade, tho!). I was just watching the leafs and it struck me! Anyway yeah I guess you could call me an eco-warrior. I love it , anyhow!

Heya

I was stalking/looking at your portfolio and I came across this. I liked it so I thought, why not review it? I really love the idea behind it and I think you wrote it well. I'll start off with some nit-picks!

Dear Humans,

I know you have an appointment with me and I am SO very sorry I couldn't make it. ( actually not really- it IS your mess I have to clean up after all.) I had an emergancy call down at the beach. Something about an oil spill? It sounds like a toughie. First I want to go over some things with you so you're not in total shock when I do meet you.

--- New paragraph here ---

I AM NOT a grandmotherly type woman who has a knack for gardening ( So sterotypical, by the way). I am tough, rough and pushy. I kinda have to be to live with what you people put against me. Ok , --- space here --- so MAYBE that's not the reason. It's because I am the deserts and the the harsh mountins as well as the simple and pretty forests. I am the hurricanes and earthquakes as well as the gentle breezes.

--- New paragraph here ---

I know you have your complaints "--- No space here ---I lost my house to a hurricane" or "--- No space here ---A tree landed on my car." That's the reason you came right? To complain. --- space here ---I am sorry I hurt you, truly, but you hurt me to. Have you every stopped and picked up a plastic contanier off the ground? Or even just shut off the lights? No siree, I didn't think so.

--- New paragraph here ---

Oh you're getting better no doubt about that. Some of you are down right amazing. But if all of you helped out... I might finally get a well deserved break. The saddest part is that some of you don't even relize what I do for you. WHO helped you build log cabins when there wasn't such thing as " bricks"? WHO gives you relief on a hot day? WHO provides half of the things you own? Sure ain't Britney Spears. Please reschedule your appointment. I didn't mean to scare 'ya'. Looks like I might be busy for a while, but I'll be around...

Naturally yours,

Mother Nature

6667 NorthEarthveiw, Center of the Universe

I really loved this ending.


Overall

Like I said above, I enjoyed reading this piece. I adore the voice of Mother Nature because she had a somewhat sour and sarcastic tone. You really brought out a character in her. I can understand what other's have said about her sounding a tad bit childish at times, but I rather like it. It shows that she's clearly had enough of pollution and disrespecting the planet. I understood what you meant about the appointment thing; the appointment is fixing the oil spill, right? What you need to be careful of is your grammatical errors the most. I fixed any errors that I did spot for you. The parts in red are the parts I've edited, by the way. You made a serious subject seem rather funny, yet at the same time, it did get a strong message across. Well done for achieving that.

My only real critique for you is grammar. This is a matter of opinion kind of thing, but I'm not overly keen on capital lettered words in pieces of writing. I noticed you using the quite a lot. My advice to you is that instead of capitalising words, italicize them. If you do that, the word is just as powerful and noticeable, but it looks a lot cleaner. You don't have to do this because it's not exactly a rule, but I'd advise you to. There were a few other grammar slip ups, but nothing that you can't fix through practice. You had the odd missing comma here and there and a few missing apostrophe's, but there wasn't anything serious. As for paragraphing, I would have liked for you to have done that a bit more. As you can see from my nit-picks, I showed you where I think paragraphing would have been effective. By paragraphing, even small pieces, the writing will look a lot cleaner and it will be nicer to read as a whole.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

*Likes*