The Ballad of the Rain

This is my first post, and I kind of wrote this on a whim, but it's based on farmer's and their need for a balance of rain. So I kind of made up a little story to go along with it. If you use a little imagination, I think you can figure out what the 'most beautiful girl in the sky' manifests as when it's raining. Thanks for reading! (Go after the errors like an editor on red bull! Have at it boys!)



It feels like melting ice
when he looks at me,

It feels like the globe in my palm,
when he turns away from thee,

The most beautiful girl in the sky,
cannot have my love

He fell in love with me
as he looked down from above

I feel in love with the sky King perched up on some cloud
I wish away
to spend the day
With him on the ground

But he looks down
And I look up

Perhaps in the middle we can meet
and wish away
to spend the day
Dancing on the same with our feet

And I know it's not the wisest thing
To have fallen in love with thy king

But next time he promised that he'd bring rain
and we'd wish away
every day,
And till we know this love hath not been in vain


And so now you know children
why it has to rain
for so long as earth
has faith in the sky
our love will not be in vain

I like this! I haven't quite figured out yet who the beautiful girl in the sky is, but I will! My favourite line is definitely:

But he looks down
And I look up

TIGERSPRITE

I loved this. Even though.. I will admit it.. I have no idea what's going on in the poem
Somehow it works and somehow it becomes magical.
Very very very good

Oh, oh, oh oh! I know who the beautiful girl in the sky is! She's a rainbow!! (Please tell me I'm right, because otherwise I will have just made a total loon of myself in public.) That is just one of the lovely little metaphors you sprinkled throughout this poem. The rhyme was nice, not too loose and not too rigid; also the imagery was enchanting. I especially liked this line:

"And so now you know children
why it has to rain
for so long as earth
has faith in the sky
our love will not be in vain."

Hello there!

Here to review.

It feels like melting ice
when he looks at me,

Perhaps if you could end this stanza with a period not a comma. :3

At any rate, I really like the concept and the message behind the poem. If you're letting your readers to think outside the box, then it's understandable to know the piece. The imageries here are quite lovely and refreshing. But I just want to clarify about the structure of your poem, it's all confusing, well not really. But anyways, this is a good read. And I'm with WPrincess, I think it is the rainbow that which pertains to be "the most beautiful girl in the sky". So all in all, this is good.

Keep writing!

Peace out
yuri

hello! i see you are quite a newbie, so welcome to YWS.

i had the faint vision of what you are trying to point out in your poem. i visualize it as something like the "opposites-attract" theory, but you've made something magical out of it.

i have to say that it is nice, but you can try to lengthen your stanzas, or try to group the lines and make it somewhat short--whichever you prefer. the magic is there. yep, there's something magical about it. (oh, i've already mentioned that. sorry)

keep writing.

Thank you so much all! I agree with this is kind of confusing, such as, "I Feel in love with the sky king" was sopposed to be "I fell in love with the sky king." And the rhyme was a bit loosely *put*, so clearly I have work to do . But Actually, though a rainbow is a good guess, The Most Beautiful girl manifests as lightning. Because the girl on the ground stole the beautiful girl's lover, as you imagine, she'd be pretty pissed off. (pardon my language.) And so I invented the lighting, but I think the rainbow should work in a piece too, perhaps the sky king's and ground girl's lingering kiss.

First off, welcome to YWS! And what a great first piece to start with.

Anyway, I really like this, the imagery is beautiful and the whole concept is just really refreshing and relateable to me. I love the whole idea, really, and there was a whimsical (or maybe even magical) feel to it that was awesome. Oh, and if you're ever wanting a review just message me.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver

Hey, I liked this!
It was very good, and my preceding reviewers picked out the only mistakes I could find. Some of it was beyond me but still, well done, and keep writing - it would be an imprisonable crime if you didn't.
Good luck with your writing, and God bless,
Ignis (;