After Adonis Ch.3

Aphrodite felt no more.
At least, she wanted to. Being the goddess that she is, she's not allowed to die. As always, despair and mourning is definately not fun without the warm reassurence of a friendly hug. But who was her friend in the world? Every goddess hated her for her enchanting good looks and malicious ways. If she went to them, they'd just scoff and scold at her.
She was a fool for thinking Hera would ever help her. Right now, she was probably presenting an unofficial "meeting" about it.
The fluffy steps of Olympus suddenly sent a chill down her spine. No longer was it the place of warmth and happieness; it was now a dark, cold, evil place.
Aphrodite realized that there was no one to turn to.
Shivering, she pulled her rosy cloak tighter to her hourglass form. Aphrodite sighed and used a stray bit of cloud as a pillow and fell asleep on the great steps of Mount Olympus.
________________________________________________________________________________________________
Hera looked out the window.
"When will this Madness end!?" Hestia cried. "She needs to be near the Hearth where its warm. Poor little chick..."
Hera said nothing.
"Pish posh! Let her stay. Serves her right for sleeping with mortals... Never turns out right." Demeter contradicted.
"But if we don't help her, we will never hear the end of this." Persephone meekly squeaked.
Hera said nothing.
"What did you say!?! Are you contradicting your very own mother who looked for you high and low for you when that monster," Demeter pointed at Hades, "took you away? You know... it seems ever since you've gotten 'together' with him, you've disrespected me. I'm going to take you home with me and we'll find a more suitable match than Hades."
Hera said nothing.
"NO!" Persephone yelled. "I won't take any more of your abuse!! I love Hades and let me clue you in mother. You think Hades abducted me, well, your wrong. We eloped! I knew I'd never be good enough for you!"
With that she ran out of the meeting hall and slammed the doors wide open where she fell to her knees and tried to help Aphrodite up.
Hera still said nothing and for once, Demeter was silent too.

pretty good

Heya Sion

I'm here to review this as requested. I've read parts of this before, so I should more or less know what's going on. Some of the details are probably shabby though, so sorry if I forget something from previous parts of the story.

Aphrodite felt no more.

At least, she wanted to. This sounded a bit odd to me. I think I know what you were trying to say, but I'm not sure... Maybe you should consider rephrasing it? Being the goddess that she was, she was not allowed to die. As always, despair and mourning was definately not fun without the warm reassurence of a friendly hug. But who was her friend in the world? Every goddess hated her for her enchanting good looks and malicious ways. If she went to them, they'd just scoff and scold at her.
You changed the tenses a lot here. I think I understand why you did it, but you have to remember that you can only change tenses for certain reasons. If you're writing dialogue or if there's something like a letter in the story. Other than that, you can't really turn anything from past to present tense in a story. Sorry if I'm not making sense...

She was a fool for thinking Hera would ever help her. Right now, she was probably presenting an unofficial "meeting" about it.

The fluffy steps of Olympus suddenly sent a chill down her spine. No longer was it the place of warmth and happieness; it was now a dark, cold, evil place.

Aphrodite realized that there was no one to turn to.

Shivering, she pulled her rosy cloak tighter to her hourglass form. Aphrodite sighed and used a stray bit of cloud as a pillow and fell asleep on the great steps of Mount Olympus.

________________________________________________________________________________________________

Hera looked out the window.

"When will this Madness end!?" Hestia cried. "She needs to be near the Hearth where its warm. Poor little chick..."

Hera said nothing.

"Pish posh! Let her stay. Serves her right for sleeping with mortals... Never turns out right." Demeter contradicted.

"But if we don't help her, we will never hear the end of this." Persephone meekly squeaked.

Hera said nothing.

"What did you say!?! This is kind of picky but you don't really need the extra exclamation point here. Are you contradicting your very own mother who looked for you high and low for you when that monster," Demeter pointed at Hades, "took you away? You know... it seems as though ever since you've gotten 'together' with him, you've disrespected me. I'm going to take you home with me and we'll find a more suitable match than Hades."

Hera said nothing.

"NO!" Persephone yelled. "I won't take any more of your abuse!! Meh, you only need one exclamation point. By using more than one, the writing doesn't really look as professional. I love Hades and let me clue you in mother. You think Hades abducted me, well, your wrong. We eloped! I knew I'd never be good enough for you!"

With that, she ran out of the meeting hall and slammed the doors wide open where she fell to her knees and tried to help Aphrodite up.

Hera still said nothing, and for once, Demeter was silent too.

Overall

This was pretty good. Although I know nothing about Greek Gods and Goddesses, this story definitely does interest me. Considering I don't know anything about Gods and Goddesses, I can't really comment on the accuracy of the facts in this. You'll have to find someone else to do that. As a whole, I am fond of the idea of this story. As far as I'm aware, there isn't anything else out there that is similar to this. In my opinion, this is original and I think that you write it well. One of my favourite things about this, I think, are some of your descriptions. They don't take over the entire piece, but you sprinkle them here and there, making them easy and comfortable to read. There is nothing worse than giant clumps of descriptions or giant clumps of information. So far, I also like your characters quite a lot. Each one of them have their own unique personalities and none of them are annoying me as of yet! Your grammar is very good, I only found one or two grammatical errors. As for your spelling, it was perfect. I didn't find a single misspelled word and you varied your vocabulary nicely.

My main critique is probably the fact that this feels a bit rushed. So far, each one of your parts/chapters have been rather short but have included quite a bit of information. Although not that much did happen in this chapter, but I felt as though it was still a bit on the short side. There's nothing wrong with short chapters, you just have to make sure that you keep them at a nice pace so that they aren't too rushed or don't drag on. You shouldn't feel as though you need to give us readers loads of information within the matter of a few paragraphs. Don't worry about making your chapters too long, some of the ones that I write are pretty darn long. Once you feel as though you've written what you want to say, finish the chapter. Don't finish it any earlier or any later than needed. What you need to do, I think, is take some more time to describe things. Basically, take your time and slow things down a bit.

I don't really have much else to say. Anything that I would say, I've already mentioned in my last review of this. There isn't anything that really stands out to me as being bad. The only other issue that I noticed with this is the fact that, near the beginning, you were a bit confused with your tenses. I did correct them for you, so all that you need to do is to go back and edit them. Like I said before, the only time you can change the tense from past to present is if your characters are speaking or if there's something like a letter in the story. Except for this though, there's nothing that I really noticed negatively in this chapter. All that you need to do is to take into consideration what I've said. Once you've done that, you should edit this up a bit. If you do that, this could be a really cool chapter.

Keep writing,

xoxo Rhian

Hi there, Sio! Mizzle here, as requested && promised.

This is going to have to be quick, which is just as well because the users before me did a great job pointing out some of the nitpicks I would have mentioned.

Overall:
I feel like this is just a random whim of a story, the plot is not set in stone, and you bring in so many characters without really sticking to a situation long enough to describe it in detail. Say for example, wasn't Hera threatened to help Aphrodite? I think you should follow through with that plot, instead of just jumping to have Persephone/Demeter confrontations, because they are honestly in almost every story. Not saying you shouldn't have one, but just develop the Hera helping Aphrodite first.
Also, I feel like you aren't giving me enough to sympathize with Aphrodite. We need to really get in-depth explanations about her, right now the "crying on the steps of Olympus" is just sort of dull, and frankly, draws no emotion from me.
Still, I like the story, just keep improving it, Sio.
I hope this helped.
-Mizz

These are reallyshort. If this is about Aphrodite then why are talking about Persephone and Demeter? You should make these things longer and packed with details! Everything needs a little more detail and spell chack. Keep writing this story! It's good and I like it.