Laughter is Softer and I LOATHE this poem

17 posts1, 2
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Chevy
Gender Female
Points 6165
Reviews 665
Wed Oct 12, 2005 1:45 pm
Chevy says... · Wed Oct 12, 2005 1:45 pm
Firestarter wrote:Rhyming seemed forced.

And the funny part is, I didn't even know that I was rhyming...I so did not mean to do that. Whupps...
when there's nowhere to go, it's time to grow up.
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astrogemini
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Thu Oct 13, 2005 4:04 am
astrogemini says... · Thu Oct 13, 2005 4:04 am
Chevy wrote:Laughter is softer
Tears come closer


Right here at the beginning of the second part you repeated and that bugs me so much, because your poems tend to be strong and they flow, but this one seemed forced. It threw me off, I know I'm asking alot, but maybe you could change it or omit it all together and have an even shorter poem.
I liked the rest though! A whole lot, if that helps.
"If you were a ham...I would bake you."
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17 posts1, 2


Someday, everything is going to go right for you, and it will be so wonderful you won't even know what to do.
— Hannelore Ellicott-Chatham, Questionable Content