Home poem (please post)

This is poem I have to hand in for English. It's pretty bad, as a lot of my school poems are, but please help me improve it....

Home
The sound of a key in a rusty lock
Bright clothes strewn cheerfully over the floor
Lying on your bed, a lonely sock
The feel of bathroom tiles on your bare feet

Your home is nothing as hollow as doors
Not as artificial as paint or brick
But the place that’s yours
The place that you miss when you’ve gone away

You can never buy a home with wealth
They say that home finds you
Where you go to gather your courage and health
Only a heart can find a home

Don’t ask me about the lonely people who
wander under the sky’s empty dome. Alone.
Because all I’ve ever known is home.

Aquareed wrote:Home
The sound of a key in a rusty lock
Bright clothes strewn cheerfully over the floor
Lying on your bed, a lonely sock
The feel of bathroom tiles on your bare feet Sorry, but I don't like this whole first stanza. It didn't draw me in. It isn't a page turner. I actually wanted to turn back. The lines themselves seem detached from each other. They don't tie in together. Why is the sock on your bad so important? Why did it get its own line? This means nothing to me it is nothing I can relate to. This stanza is also detached from the next one. You go on to describe what a home is, not what a home is like. You can't describe what a home is like because everyone has a different one. I would cut out this whole stanza, but that is just me.

Your home is nothing as hollow as doors This line confused me. Maybe you should rephrase it.

Sorry, this is a really rambling review that doesn't help.

A. S.

Okay- to be blunt. I'm going to confuse you.

I have pretty much the opposite to say of your previous review.
I loved the first stanza- it was undoubtedly my favorite one. Details are always the most important thing, set the entire scene with subtle images. And you did a superb job with this. The first two lines of the next stanza didn't really make sense, and were confusing. The rest of the second and third stanzas were okay, but not excellent. I would work on making it more stand-outish, something grabbing and unique. Phrase it differently. I really liked the last stanza as well, though the first is still my favorite.

Nice job!