Break A Tear

Let's shed a heart,
Let's break a tear.
Let's wonder if
someone will hear.
A broken heart,
A fallen tear.
Hold me close,
chase away my fear.

A trusted Promise,
A broken friend?
The secrets of
the rules we bend.
Don't break a promise.
Trust your friend.
Stay with me now,
onto the end.

Let's shed a heart,
Let's break a tear.
Let's wonder if,
no one will hear.
A mended heart,
A dried tear.
Please don't leave me!
That's my only fear.

Hey Lukan! Flower here, and I will be your reviewer for the evening. I want to start by saying that I like this. I think that you did very well with the rhyming, and not many people do that. Many people write, and it seems forced. Yours, however, does not.

LukanRinta wrote:Let's shed a heart, I'm not really sure how you shed a heart... I suppose you just exchanged it with the word that would go with the next line. If so I like your style.
Let's break a tear.
Let's wonder if
someone will hear.
A broken heart,
A fallen tear.
Hold me close,
chase away my fear. I really liked these last few lines! They rhyme so well, it makes me so happy.

A trusted Promise,
A broken friend?
The secrets of
the rules we bend.
Don't break a promise.
Trust your friend.
Stay with me now,
onto the end. This should be until the end should it not? I love this lines before this.

Let's shed a heart,
Let's break a tear.
Let's wonder if,
no one will hear.
A mended heart,
A dried tear.
Please don't leave me!
That's my only fear.

Very strong ending!

I was very impressed with this poem. I didn't really see but one mistake, the rest of my comments are about me liking this piece. Well, I am just babling, sorry I couldn't help more. Good luck in the future. If you need me you can pm me or write on my wall. If you need a review you can also let me know. (Don't judge my reviews by this one haha, this poem was to good for me to really review)

-Flower-

Nice rhythm and the rhyme didn't annoy me, very nice. I really enjoy the musical quality that this has. The repetition was good as well. The only thing is you've used no imagery, no similes or metaphors. And it was list like almost, it was catchy but not something I can relate to. <b> in other words, it's impossible for me to care about this poem.</b>

but it does make for a nice song.
Good luck, keep writing and what not.
Silented1.
(pm me with any changes you make, please.)