The Tales of Alexandria Hamilton Chapter Two

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My flashback is soon over, for we arrive at the airport. Dad and Rick unloaded the trunks of their cars. It took over an hour for us to check in and get to our gate. We didn't have to wait long to board the plane.

The airplane was small and stuffy. People coughed and sneezed. It was really disgusting. I didn't want to sit next to a person who did that at all. I didn't want my fear to be confirmed by some old, fat, grease eating guy who didn't bother washing his hands after he has used the bathroom. My aunt gave me my ticket. E13 was my seat. I looked at my seat and saw that a boy was sitting by the window. He was very handsome, I think. He's got dark brown hair cut pretty short and a muscled chest. He wore a black shirt with a V-neck that clung to him. I walk over and looked at the seat number and then my ticket. Yep, this is my seat.

As I'm debating whether I should switch seats with someone else, Aunt Sherri tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around to see Aunt Sherri standing next to two people, who were already seated and looked comfortable. I was deeply jealous. "Alexandria, these are the Morgan’s." She gestured at the pair. I tried to be nice. I shook their hands with a smile on my face. A smile from me is so rare. The woman was wearing a pair of dark washed jeans that frayed at the bottom which suggested that she walked on them a lot and wore them a lot. Her floral blouse was over a nice white camisole. Her hair was cut short. By the hairs on her on her shirt, I believe she just recently cut her hair. Probably works outside a lot, because of how short it is. Her black hair was in a pixie cut.

The man next to her was no different than the average man, tall, dark hair, wrinkled skin, meaning that he squinted and worried a lot. I watched as he stood up that his hands were calloused, probably worked as a construction worker or some job where he uses his hands a lot.

"Stephan, can you come over here, for a moment." said Mrs. Morgan. The guy I saw before, who I was going to sit next to, stood up and came over to where his parents sat. He had on jeans. I could now see that he was taller than me. Maybe three, four, five inches at most.

"Stephan, my have you grown." said Aunt Sherri. “You probably don't remember me."


"Nah," said Stephan. When he smiled at her, Sherri's eyes twinkled. "How could I forget my own godmother?" Godmother? Godmother!

"This, my dear, is my niece Alex." She nodded toward me without taking her eyes off of him.

"It's Alexandria. No one calls-called- me that, but Todd and no one else will." I nodded to Stephan to acknowledge his presence, then left to return to my seat.

After a few more minutes of talking to them, Stephan came back. I had already gotten out my Rolling Stones magazine. I let him by, by kicking my feet up onto the seat next to me, and then returned to my magazine. the seat he saat in was blue with a red stripe down the middle, as did mine and all the others on the plane. He sat down with a "Humph" and then turned to the window. I put my feet down and looked at my magazine.

After a few more moments of silence, he talked. "Your aunt she can talk."

"Yeah, she talks even more when I'm not around." I said.

"Why?" he replied.

"She doesn't want to divulge any secret information to me that I could use against her." I said. I never looked up from the magazine as I told him this. Even as I told him I knew it was true.

"How would you use it against her?" He asked.

I finally closed my magazine, and turned so I could look him in the eye. "I work for the police."

"Aren't you a little young? I mean I'm in college, so you must be. . “He trailed on.

I rolled my eyes in response. "I'm eighteen, and I just graduated from high school. I've worked with the police since my neighbor was murdered when I was fifteen. My most recent case was one abduction. The abduction of Timothy Rolland. My partner was shot and killed during the investigation. Does that answer your questions?" I turned to look straight ahead. I didn't like talking about Todd or my job for that matter.

"OH, touchy." he said. When he saw that I wasn't going to reply, he continued. "Listen, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up the subject of your partner. . "

"Officer Todd Laney. He was my best friend." I looked down at my hand in my lap.

"Oh so that was the mysterious Todd. I was wondering if it was your boyfriend." He said.

"Don't have one." I said. "Can't have one."

"Why not? That seems crazy for a beautiful girl like you to can't have one."

"I'm only going to say this once. I take my job very seriously. I can't have any distractions when I'm working otherwise I don't save a life or give someone closure. I can't afford to have the ability I have and not use it." I explained it. I was done, or at least I thought so.

"What ability?" God, he did not stop.

"This is the last answer you're getting from me work related, okay?" He nodded so it told him. "I have a strange ability to pick things and see things that you could not see. I can see that a girl recently kissed you on the cheek with a nude lip stick."

"How the hell?" He said. "How did you know that?"

"No more answers from me." I was fed up. I usually get swamped with questions but that didn't mean I liked answering them.

"Oh, your ability. That's awesome." He rambled on about it. I didn't pay attention.

I was listening to my IPod, when Stephan tapped my shoulder. "What?" I hissed.

"Don't look now," Stephan warned, "but your aunt is talking to some guy, and I think they're headed over here."

I looked back and sure enough, Stephan was right. The boy, I assumed was Charlie, was wearing a Ralph Lauren collared shirt and khaki shorts. "Listen, I should explain. He will come over and sit right next to me. My aunt set me up so I would be in the middle of you two. I would be eternally grateful if you would switch seats with me." I looked back. "Never mind, it's too late. She'll see." I shrunk in my seat.

"Just play along with me, okay?" he said. I looked at him funny. It was either do or die. I gave a stiff nod.

"Alex, this is Charlie Freeman. Charlie, this is my niece Alex." said Aunt Sherri. He smiled at me. I scowled at him.

"My name is Alexandria, not Alex. Nobody calls me that anymore." I hissed at him. A sound escaped Stephan's lips. I could
tell that he was trying not to smile.

"Oh, don't worry about that. I call her that all the time." She said. She gave me a look that said "Be nice or else."

"And you still wander what it is about you that I hate." I smiled at her. She was fuming.

In a controlled voice, she told Charlie that this was his seat. He said thanks. She was leaving when Stephan spoke. "Oh, Sherri thanks for seating me next to Alexandria. I really like talking to her." God, how am I supposed to play along with that? I nodded stiffly at her and tried to smile, but I don't think I moved my lips from the straight line.
Sherri radiated from the comment. She always did. It made her feel better about herself. It's the reason she does so many things that she's sure she'll get a compliment from. She smiled at him and finally left to take her seat.
"The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." -Lucille Ball




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Your writing style is really choppy, which makes the flow really choppy. I noticed you write mostly in sentance fragments, which isn't the best. You can extend some some of your sentances, so it has more details and better flow, like this


(Original)
The airplane was small and stuffy. People coughed and sneezed. It was really disgusting. I didn't want to sit next to a person who did that at all. I didn't want my fear to be confirmed by some old, fat, grease eating guy who didn't bother washing his hands after he has used the bathroom. My aunt gave me my ticket. E13 was my seat. I looked at my seat and saw that a boy was sitting by the window. He was very handsome, I think. He's got dark brown hair cut pretty short and a muscled chest. He wore a black shirt with a V-neck that clung to him. I walk over and looked at the seat number and then my ticket. Yep, this is my seat.



(Edited)
The airplane was small and stuffy because people coughed and sneezed. It was really disgusting and I didn't want to sit next to a person who did that at all. I didn't want my fear to be confirmed by some old, fat, grease eating guy who didn't bother washing his hands after he has used the bathroom. My aunt gave me my ticket. it said that E13 was my seat. I looked at my seat and saw that a boy was sitting by the window. He was very handsome with dark brown hair that was cut pretty short. He wore a black V-neck shirt that clung to his muscled. I walk over and looked at the seat number and then my ticket. Yep, this is my seat.

See? Much eaiser to read.
That was just an example, you dont have to wake it.

~WickedWonder
'We will never believe again, kick drum beating in my chest again, oh, we will never believe in anything again, preach electric to a microphone stand.'

*Formerly wickedwonder*




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I just finished reading both chapters and I'm hooked. I love the plot and everything else. I can easily relate to Alexandria when she talks about her family and how her family doesn't like her having a job in the police force. I've always wanted a job in the police force but my family keeps no and that it's too dangerous but I love it. I love this novel and I'm going to be waiting for the next chapter! PLEASE KEEP WRITING!!! :)
Have a great day




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Hey! I'm here to review the second chapter :)

Nipticks:
It took over an hour for us to check in and get to our gate. We didn't have to wait long to board the plane.

Normally, people arrive at the airport at least 2 hours before the departing time (most of the time even 3) So this would make it unrealistic to say it only took them an hour to pass through secuity and depart soon after.

I didn't want my fear to be confirmed by some old, fat, grease eating guy who didn't bother washing his hands after he has used the bathroom.

I was a bit confused here... what fear?

He was very handsome, I think

Is he or isn't he? If yes, then you might want to change it to 'I thought he was very handsome'

He had dark brown hair, cut pretty short, and a muscled chest, hugged tight by a black V-neck shirt.

'He's got' is present and should be past like the rest and you can put all this together in one sentence instead of breaking it up.

As I'm debating whether I should switch seats with someone else, Aunt Sherri tapped me on the shoulder.

Same here with the present/past tense, be careful to revise your story and put everything in the same tense.

I turned around to see her standing next to two people, who were already seated comfortably

You don't need to repeat Aunt Sherri here since you've just mentionned her.

A smile from me is so rare. The woman was wearing a pair of dark washed jeans that frayed at the bottom which suggested that she walked on them a lot and wore them a lot.

Saying she walked on them a lot, means she wore them a lot and saying she wore them a lot, means she walked on them a lot. You're just repeating yourself, so you can take off either one of them.

I could now see that he was taller than me. Maybe three, four, five inches at most.

Is he three, four, five inches tall or taller?

Stephan, my have you grown," said Aunt Sherri. “You probably don't remember me."

This here doesn't make sense... I think you've done a typo? Happens to everyone :)

"It's Alexandria. No one calls-called- me that, but Todd and no one else will."

Why is she saying this to him?

The seat he saat in was blue with a red stripe down the middle, as did mine and all the others on the plane.

You don't really need this here... it's not really relevent.

Now, the plot is really good :) I want to know what happens next! This has a lot of potential, just be carefull to not be too choppy, add a few comas between the senteces that are related or transitional words and take your time with things. your going a bit fast here. Keep your characters realistic, and true to who you made them to be and this will be great!
Keep writting!

-Truth-
.- <3 -.



The bigger the issue, the smaller you write. Remember that. You don’t write about the horrors of war. No. You write about a kid’s burnt socks lying on the road. You pick the smallest manageable part of the big thing, and you work off the resonance.
— Richard Price