Homesick

Life as I knew it is gone,
Flew by so fast way past the stars.
You took my heart,
You kept me whole now I’m broken, withered and old.

We’d sit in the woods for hours,
Not thinking about anything but clueless things in life.
How much we’d miss each other if we’d go…to a better place.
Still I remember your smile,
Your eyes, your laughter.
I miss it.

Thinking back on the days,
How it would have been if I stayed.
But I destroyed you,
I left you and somehow you left me.
Restrained from the world,
Lost without a soul.
I need you now more than ever.
I miss you.

Beautiful poem, only problem was that you didn't need to leave the space between go and to in the third line of the second stanza. Nice job! =)

TIGERSPRITE

This is not the kind of poem I would usually read or review, but I will try my best seeing you only have one short review so far. General comments:

kitrosemon13 wrote:Life as I knew it is gone,
Flew by so fast, way past the stars.
You took my heart,
You kept me whole between this you should make a whole new line, "but", or a period and capital letter.now I’m broken, Sorry, but this my be the most overused phrase when it comes to poems about love. Spice it up. withered and old. Is the person you are writing about really withered and old or is that a metaphor?

These two lines don't seem relevant to the rest of the poem. We’d sit in the woods for hours,
Not thinking about anything, but clueless things in life.
How much we’d miss each other if we’d go…to a better place. I am not sure what this line means.
Still I remember your smile,
Your eyes, your laughter.
And I miss it. I think this line would have may more impact if you drop the "And"

Thinking back on the days,
How it would have been if I stayed. Maybe this should be a question because he doesn't really know what it would have been like.
But I destroyed you,
I left you and somehow you left me. Who did the actual leaving? You really can't both leave each other because you state that he left first.

O.K., first I don't really know what is going on. You leave me with a lot of questions left unanswered. Add more detail. What exactly went on between them because right now I am thinking he left her and now she is dead and now he wants her back. Am I right? Even if I am please add more information.

Second, the first line didn't catch me. It didn't instantly bring me in to the story or at least get me interested. If I was an editor I would have flipped past it thinking it was going to be a sappy love poem. Witch it is, a love poem, but it isn't bad. I think you should try to come up with a more gripping first line.

I really like this poem, but I think some vocabulary would spice it up. No, do not go looking through the thesaurus or dictionary. Believe me this gets awful results. Just think from your own mind. read over the poem. Where do the words seem simply plain, boring.

I had something else I wanted to say, but now I can't remember. So,

Hope I helped,

A. S.

Thank you to all who reviewed this, you all helped a lot.

I really like the title. It gave me a different view on the poem. Like this person makes you feel that you're at home, that they complete a part of you. It was very creative.

I would like to see more imagery though, because that would increase the beauty of it. And maybe some more detail.

kitrosemon13 wrote:Life as I knew it is gone,
Flew by so fast, way past the stars.
You took my heart,
You kept me whole andnow I’m broken, withered and old. I like this right here, withered and old. I can see where you're coming from.

We’d sit in the woods for hours, Could you possibly give some scenery here? The colors of the trees, the sounds surrounding you. It might seem unrelated, but it would make me feel like I'm there, like I'm you.
Not thinking about anything but theclueless things in life.
How much we’d miss each other if we’d go…to a better place.
Still I remember your smile,
Your eyes, your laughter.
I miss it.

Thinking back on the days,
How it would have been if I stayed.
But I destroyed you,
I left you and somehow you left me.
Restrained from the world,
Lost without a soul.
I need you now more than ever.
I miss you.

all in all, well done. I understand if you don't really want to take my advice. I know how it feels to have people try to morph your work around, and it is somewhat insulting. I do think you have a knack for poetry though (: keep writing.

Hello there!

Here to review.

So, I apologize in advance if ever there's going to be a repetition around here or if you might see this review vague. It's because I'm writing this one almost midnight. Anyways, on to the review.


First thing I want to clarify is how you misinterpret about capitalization. Actually, you don't need to capitalize every first letter of each line. Also, I would have expected this to be something more unique, 'cause it's really hard to make a unique poem especially when it comes to a general theme: love. Emotions are here but just like I've said earlier I want something compelling about your character, the feelings of this poem. So, just spice this up. Use good set of imageries and try exploring on new words. I tell you, it would be really fun to do and not only that but it would also increase your writing skills.

Hope I helped,
Yuri