What a Silly Love

Silly Love


I saw him passing nearby
Don’t know what to do
But my heart suddenly jump
I just don’t know why

His fair and smooth skin
Dark-brown hair that’s perfect
His gracious smile and helpful hands
Lends a hand when I need one

I am fourteen and five feet tall
With long hair and black eyes
Wondering through his angelic face
That can even take me a hundred miles

Every time I see his face
Endless rainbow colors I could take
He plays hide and seek
Don’t know where his hiding place could be

I looked and searched for him again
This time, I woke up in reality….

He was born seven years before me
Now I know he’s still seven-year-old this year…

What a silly love…

Alright, a few things here. I like how you had a free verse, but look at this:

Every time I see his face
Endless rainbow colors I could take
He plays hide and seek
Don’t know where his hiding place could be

So all of a sudden it rhymes? That's a bit confusing to the reader, but that was all I could find that was wrong. It flowed very freely and I liked it Great job!



Kim

First of all, to Thegirlwholived, LOVE your signature, it's awesome.

Second of all, great poem, not much else to say, and indeed it is a silly love. haha But it was cute.

But my heart suddenly jump

sounded a little awkward, maybe jump should be jumped?

keep writing!

Hey Yuri,

Pretty good poem! I did enjoy it. It was different to some of the other ones I've read, this wasn't as deep, it was lighter and happier in a sense. It was a bit playful and fun, simple and good to read. I like some of your other pieces better though.

Maybe just describe your feelings when you get back to reality, are you disappointed your dream can't become reality? Maybe that would help.

Pretty good. Love your pieces and best wishes!

RedLeaf

HAHA I love this!t's funny here- comments in bold.

'His fair and smooth skin
Dark-brown hair that’s perfect
His gracious smile and helpful hands
Lends a hand when I need onehelpful hands lend hands when you need one. Try something else.

I am fourteen and five feet tall
With long hair and black eyes
Wondering through his angelic face
That can evenmaybe take out even take me a hundred miles

Every time I see his face
Endless rainbow colors I could takechameleon! I like this line!
He plays hide and seek
Don’t know where his hiding place could be

I looked and searched for him again
This time, I woke up in reality….

He was born seven years before me
Now I know he’s still seven-year-old this year… Wait- if he was born seven years AFTER you he would be seven.

What a silly love…

I love this! Nice poem, keep writing!