Cup

5 posts
User avatar
Gender Male
Points 3528
Reviews 94
Yet another random poem. From a year ago. Trying to get a few differently written poems up so people can get a handle on my writing style. ^^


Calm stance, upon its marble tabletop.
Inside, a whirlpool formed and forming;
Made and maker, it resolves into a calm -
Rippling tea is ready.
Container takes no notice, standing stoic.
A stable structure,
As always - keeping its patterned cylinder.
Yet the cup is not omnipotent,
No god to rule over the sun, whose gentle rays
Exude a violent power over the cup.
The great star's volatility is reflected on
Cup's surfaces, delicate arrangements
Of color thrown haywire, forcibly shaded.
Yet the disarray celestially inspired passes
Neglected; the cup instead begins a journey.
As if on a Möbius strip, back and forth
Endlessly... endlessly... endlessly...
Upon the same path in a hand -
Table to mouth to table to mouth
To break the routine - to the sink.
There it will rest, bereft of substance -
Empty again.
Last edited by TheEstimableEelz on Sat Sep 04, 2010 7:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Formerly 'ilyaeelz.' Others experiment with drugs. I experiment with punctuation and grammar.

"Research your own experiences for the truth, absorb what is useful, reject what is useless, add what is specifically your own." - Bruce Lee




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1910
Reviews 36
ilyaeelz wrote:Yet another random poem. From a year ago. Trying to get a few differently written poems up so people can get a handle on my writing style. ^^




No god to rule over the sun, whose gentle rays
Exude a violent power over the cup.
The great star's volatility is reflected on
Cup's surfaces, delicate arrangements
Of color thrown haywire, forcibly shaded.



I love this line. It flows very well, it's beautiful. The whole poem is!

I do have a question though; what is it about? haha. You seem very creative. I love when people can take the simplest thing and make it seem so... amazing. You're use of vocabulary is really good too, and I love the imagery! Please keep writing, never stop.
I want a lover I don't have to love.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 3528
Reviews 94
Thanks for commenting! The poem is literally just a 'day in the life' of the cup. No hidden meaning whatsoever.
Formerly 'ilyaeelz.' Others experiment with drugs. I experiment with punctuation and grammar.

"Research your own experiences for the truth, absorb what is useful, reject what is useless, add what is specifically your own." - Bruce Lee




User avatar
Gender None specified
Points 1272
Reviews 4
I was amazed with the way this poem took something so simple (a cup of tea) and made it beautiful. The poem flowed very well and created a very colorful picture for the reader. My favorite part was the repetition of table to cup, it made me think of drinking tea as a very repetitious cycle. Overall this poem was awesome. :)




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 3131
Reviews 41
Hi ilyaeelz, I'm new to YWS! Thanx 4 reviewing my poem so now I will return the favor. Wow, your poem is quite weird but.... I LOVE IT. It just drew me in with the first few words! It is not very relatable for obvious reason but it is a great poem. What I really enjoyed was the ending "empty again". Such an amazing ending sentence! You are very creative to write a poem about a cup, (I am terrible a poetry). Maybe you could talk a bit more on the cup it’s self and not what it contains but cups are to hold substances.
Thanx for a creative poem,
watchmeburn
"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."



You got rid of them. Yes, that's just like you. Getting rid of everything unpleasant instead of learning to put up with it.
— Aldous Huxley, Brave New World