Nine, Abiding Desecration

The desperate ends of the
thin pages
shrivel like a flower
at the end of its bloom.

The airplane hurtles,
again, again, replay.
They burn.

The inky inscriptions of
salaam and damnation
consumed by the embers
in the torches of mobs.

The jet fuel explodes,
again, again, replay.
They burn.

The perpetual Holy War
squirms through
the throngs of faith,
like a suffocating flame.

The towers collapse,
again, again, replay.
Ashes to ashes.

I personally didn't like this poem very much. I felt no rhythm while reading it (it has com to my attention that I have only read a few poems on YWS where I actually felt a rhythm, so either it's me or freestyle poetry has gone way too far). No rhymes as far as I can see. After counting out syllables it seems like you have a pattern, but it's beyond me how it's supposed to be spoken out.

I could envision what you were describing, at least getting the gist of it, so no problems there.

I should really stop reviewing poems, shouldn't I?

Hey there Inkwell!

I really enjoyed this poem. Is it in reference to those crazy people wanting to burn the Qur'an because of the 9/11 incident and the debate over building the mosque near the ground zero sight? That's what I took from it, at least.

I disagree with romance otaku about the rhyme. Sure, it doesn't have rhyme but that's not a problem. I personally don't write a lot of poetry, and when I do I can't do rhyme without sounding juvenile. I've really grown to appreciate free verse. The repitition of "again, again, replay" is really good too. It works well in this poem. Also I love the imagery in the first stanza. Really good!

My only comment is on this stanza:

The perpetual Holy War
squirms through
the throngs of faith,
like a suffocating flame.

This stanza doesn't feel like it, for lack of a better word, belongs in the poem. The first and third stanzas both talk about a book/pages, and the even stanzas (2, 4, 6) all refer to airplanes/towers (the 9/11 attacks, if what I assume is correct). For the flow of the poem, it feels like this stanza should also refer to the book/pages. It would help make the impact of the poem that much stronger.

Again, I really enjoyed this poem. Keep writing! You're a talented poet.

-Lauren-