Map the World.

You stayed up all night,
mapping the world on your palm,
wishing the constellations to move,
yearning for the tea leaves to reveal their hand.

Uncertainty seizes hold,
as you attempt to unravel time,
you’re spinning; wild and uncontrollable,
in Fate’s ever tightening grip.

Why play the witchdoctor?
Your false medicines, false predictions,
biting at my core, engulfing , twisting,
manipulating me.

Don’t predict the stars,
Second guess your oracles.
Stop your questions, let us just
stare into the fucking abyss.


I rated this 12+ just for the swearing at the end, if it needs to be rated higher just tell me and I'll alter it
So yeah, this is only the second poem I've ever written, some feedback would be adore. I want to write I just never do, so hopefully you guys can help me out a bit.
thanks in advance, George.

Nice, haven't really seen this kind of topic much.

To get grammar out of the way:

Why play the witch doctor

biting at my core, engulfing,

Now, a few suggestions:
- The pacing of this is slow, unnecessarily so sometimes.

Uncertainty seizes hold,
As you attempt to unravel time,

- I would remove the first comma, though the rest can and probably should stay - the calm pacing suits the narrator's tone.

Don’t predict the stars,
Nor second-guess your oracles.

The line seems better this way.


The 12+ rating is fine. Good work!

Hello,
Pretty good poem, especially if you haven't written much. I like the idea mainly because it is unique and that provides a special kind of interest for readers. Well done and keep on writing
-Blossom