Smile on

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Reviews 39
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Even as red roses crumble to dust
and your silky dress roughens like rock,
smile on.
Even though the pages of your most treasured book are glued together
and windows block your sunlight,
smile on.
Even though each day merges into a memory of shadows
and you can no longer dream,
smile on.

If smiling gives a flower some hope
and heals the damaged patches of a dress,
then smile on.
If smiling vapourises glue
and beams light to every corner of a room,
then smile on.
If smiling makes every day one to remember
and lets your heart dream each night,
then smile on.

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Points 15961
Reviews 661
Hi Blossom,

This flows nicely and is uplifting. The images of the book, the dress and the glue were really great, very fresh and interesting.

I'd reexamine the images of roses, dust, dreams and the heart and replace them with fresher, more concrete images, more unusual images like those which you did so well (mentioned above.)

Hope this helps,

Jas
"Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise."
-Maya Angelou




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 1070
Reviews 5
This was extremely well written.
I like how it shows the passage over time, encouraging the reader to endure it all.
There really isn't anything I would change for the poem.

I really like it the way it is.

Keep on rocking the writing.

-Elizabeth




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Points 903
Reviews 19
Blossom wrote:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Even as red roses crumble to dust
and your silky dress roughens like rock,
smile on. (very beautiful imagery here im very impressed :) )
Even though the pages of your most treasured book are glued together
and windows block your sunlight,
smile on. ( i like the repetence of smile on, it makes the poem flow and be much more catchy)
Even though each day merges into a memory of shadows (memory of shadows! NICE)
and you can no longer dream,
smile on.

If smiling gives a flower some hope
and heals the damaged patches of a dress,
then smile on.
If smiling vapourises glue
and beams light to every corner of a room,
then smile on.
If smiling makes every day one to remember
and lets your heart dream each night,
then smile on.


its all basically a wonderful poem . keep writing. im very impressed
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The inner machinations of my mind are an enigma.
— Patrick Star