Homeroom

You will never guess when/where I wrote this poem.

Homeroom
By Romance Otaku (http://romanceotaku.com/)

These are the days I wish I could just leave.
Why is everyone here so naive?
A single blue flame on a yellow sun,
Its existence noticed by none.

Oh well, it makes no difference to me.
In the future we will see
Who is correct,
Who has their life wrecked.

So for now I just sit and wonder
About all the things there are to ponder
While watching them be cool.
We'll see who is the fool.

romance otaku wrote:You will never guess when/where I wrote this poem.

Homeroom
By Romance Otaku (http://romanceotaku.com/)

These are the days I wish I could just leave. Alright, cool line.
Why is everyone here so naive? The rhyming here's a little forced.
A single blue flame on a yellow sun,
Its existence noticed by none. I like this but what is the single blue flame? Or is it just a metaphor for an individual?

Oh well, it makes no difference to me.
In the future we will see
Who is correct,
Who has their life wrecked.

So for now I just sit and wonder
About all the things there are to ponder
While watching them be cool.
We'll see who is the fool. Once again a little forced but I like the mood it creates.

So homeroom isn't a waste of time after all!

My main tiff is the forced rhymes.

I enjoyed this poem, I really felt like I was viewing the atmosphere and classmates of your homeroom.

Hey Romance Otaku! I think Inkwell pretty much summed it up. I really like this poem, and I must admit that I look at homeroom that very way, sometimes. I did think the rhyming was pretty forced. Oh, here's one last thing ...

romance otaku wrote:So for now I just sit and wonder
About all the things there are to ponder
While watching them be cool.
We'll see who is the fool.

For some reason, I read that ^^ like this ...

So for now I just sit and wonder
Abotu all the things there are to ponder.
While watching them be cool,
We'll see who is the fool.

I just thought that if I read it that way, other people might do so, too. I hope this helps!

- Abigail

Abigail_W. wrote:Hey Romance Otaku! I think Inkwell pretty much summed it up. I really like this poem, and I must admit that I look at homeroom that very way, sometimes. I did think the rhyming was pretty forced. Oh, here's one last thing ...

romance otaku wrote:So for now I just sit and wonder
About all the things there are to ponder
While watching them be cool.
We'll see who is the fool.

For some reason, I read that ^^ like this ...

So for now I just sit and wonder
Abotu all the things there are to ponder.
While watching them be cool,
We'll see who is the fool.

I just thought that if I read it that way, other people might do so, too. I hope this helps!

- Abigail

So you suggest switching the period out for a comma?

I really did like this poem, but like the others said it is really forces. I would suggest leaving the rhymes, and going to freestyle. That is if you can't think of something to make it flow better. I myself dropped rhyming because it is so hard to accomplish without it sounding bad.

I also think I would make it a little bit longer. Add more details of why you think homeroom is a waste of time, or whatever point you want to make.

Hope I helped.

-Flower-

Flower~Child wrote:I really did like this poem, but like the others said it is really forces. I would suggest leaving the rhymes, and going to freestyle. That is if you can't think of something to make it flow better. I myself dropped rhyming because it is so hard to accomplish without it sounding bad.

I also think I would make it a little bit longer. Add more details of why you think homeroom is a waste of time, or whatever point you want to make.

Hope I helped.

-Flower-

I like rhyming. I feel like it's a lost art, since most next-generation poets and song writers say that rhyming is silly and pointless. I personally love a good rhyming poem and a catchy rhyming song. Freestyle annoys me XD. And the longer I make poems the worse they get, and I'm not a good poet, so I think this is the best it can be XD. But it takes time to learn to rhyme, so the feedback is nice. Thanks ^-^