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Guess What I Am • Young Writers Society

Guess What I Am

3 posts
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Gender Female
Points 790
Reviews 59
I sip at my cigarette
and am reminded of you.
You, everywhere;
there was only a few places you weren’t.
And even just then crawling
in the background.

Oh and those eyes!

Light-pooled, they were so
hungrily waiting.
I could only assume you were starving
and that was the reason
you were there at all.

But why starve
when you had a continent of offerings?

A list to pick and choose from;
you might as well have devoured the world.
It seemed so from all the news
I’d receive.

Then the times you were with me,
sometimes fleeting and yet so strong.
How do you do something like that?
You’re able to leave your mark so quickly
and make sure it stays,
at least mentally forever.

Nobody really wanted you,
maybe a few choice ones,
but they were the ones we avoided as well.
Perhaps that’s why
you were the last one to turn to.

You wouldn’t abandon anyone.

We hated you,
even just the thought of you.
This wasn’t some game of hide and seek,
because we never wanted to find you.
We absolutely didn’t want
to be near you.

And you let us,
for only the good times in life.
And then you’d force yourself
back into our lives,
until it was impossible to rid of you
for good.


Yet you never hated us,
and I will never understand this.
You who adorns yourself
in unwanted clothing
and cries happily
when a meal arrives.

A bestial child,
forever eating and eating
and never growing at all.
If only we could lock you away,
even just a part of you,
wouldn’t that be good?

The next time I know you,
I’ll let you know
that you can leave now.
You really don’t have to stay
and we really would prefer it
if you’d leave.

Even if it’s just like this,
and not worse off.
You, everywhere;
there was only a few places you weren’t.
And even just then snickering
in the background.
The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.

Got Support~?
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User avatar
Gender Male
Points 3528
Reviews 94
Seems interesting...
Spoiler
my guess for the title question is unwanted pregnancy for the 'you'.


First, small grammatical corrections.

You, everywhere;
there were only a few places you weren’t.


And you let us,
for only the good times in life.

- I understand your meaning, but it's unclear grammatically. Maybe say "And you let us be / for the only good times in life."

You have a few places where you switch two words around from how one would expect them to be ordered; this weakens the effect because it seems childish.

In general, this feels as much a rant as a poem. Still, I think it could be pretty good with some work!
Formerly 'ilyaeelz.' Others experiment with drugs. I experiment with punctuation and grammar.

"Research your own experiences for the truth, absorb what is useful, reject what is useless, add what is specifically your own." - Bruce Lee




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Gender None specified
Points 1072
Reviews 2
It seems prolonged, and without enough emotion or angst to keep one occupied.



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