Prologue, maybe? Advice?

Not sure where this is going, it was kind of random, trying to exercise my writing brain before I want to get into a serious story. Tell me what you think, what I should improve. I know the characters aren't described, and I meant to do that, if I continue the story, they'll be introduced in the first chapter, probably. Anyways, enjoy!

---------

The door slammed behind him; he was gone, out of my life just like that. Only, I didn’t want him gone, not for good. I couldn’t live without him; he meant everything, my entire world. We just needed some time away from each other. But, surely I’d lose him if I suggested it. He’d think I’d keep him waiting for months. I just needed days. I already knew the outcome—we’d be together for life. We had been together for six years. Not married, engaged, or even living together. He was afraid of commitment, and yet he’d been seeing only me for this long.

This was just another normal fight, the same one I always seemed to start:

“Why haven’t you proposed?” I asked quietly, sitting across the wood table from him, gripping my cup of tea tightly. I looked up, saw his face harden, “never mind,” I sighed.

“Becky,” he warned, and I looked down at my now cold tea. “It’s not happening; you knew that six years ago, you know that now.” Disappointment filled me, and I shut my eyes. This hurt worse every time it happened. He put his cup on the table with a loud “thud” and I jumped. “I’m leaving, see you later.”

“Wait, Daniel. I’m sorry, I won’t bring it up again,” I placed my cup on the table, got up, and went to where he was standing. “I’m happy with what we have. I love you, and if you don’t want to get married, neither do I.” That was a lie; I wanted so very much to marry him. I wanted to wear his ring on my finger. I wanted to be more than what we were, but that wasn’t an option. This much, or none at all. And I couldn’t have none, not now, not after six years.

“I have to go, I work early tomorrow,” I was beat. He wouldn’t stay the night, he never stayed the night. Once, just once, I’d like to stay at my place. “I’ll see you later, Becky.” He gave me a quick peck on the cheek, and walked out, slamming the door. I stood there, holding back the tears that would fall onto my pillow, leaving it tearstained and soaked. He always did this, in the middle of dinner, or a nice conversation, if a rocky topic came up, he’d leave. There was no way to stop him, that’d just make it worse, and I’d have to wait longer before he came around again.

I left the mugs on the table, locked the front door, and watched his truck back out of the driveway. I watched long after the taillights disappeared, until I was sure he wasn’t coming back. I managed to make it to my bedroom, not remembering the walk from the window to here, before collapsing onto the beige comforter. I was done with this argument, it wouldn’t happen again. Six years of my life with him, and unless he was going to at least propose, he wasn’t getting any more.

I, Rebecka Trumbolt, am my own person, and I would not be controlled by a man, or my emotions any longer. Not even one who could destroy my world with just words. Granted, he hadn’t spoken them once the six years we’d been together, but he’d said other ones that had the same effect over time. “I will get married. Even if it’s not to Daniel Smith,” although, I hoped it was.

---

Don't worry about the cliches, I haven't any plans to turn this story into one, seeing as they annoy me. I've got a tiwst or two up my sleeve.

Hey

Initial reactions:

1) This woman is a weak person, hanging onto a relationship that the reader knows won't last. I'm hoping that this story goes beyond the cliché plot of woman dumping/being dumped, and then finding her real true love. I'm hoping that Daniel is actually married, and Becky is his mistress - either she doesn't know this (ie innocent), or she does (ie adulteress, "home wrecker"). You could even twist this - Becky is a man. As in, Turner Beckham instead of Becky Trumbolt. Then there would be this whole twist of why Daniel couldn't marry Becky - he is "straight" to the public and only homosexual in private. Again, Becky could know of Daniel's "real life", or he doesn't have to.

What I'm trying to get at is that I hope this doesn't evolve into a paperback romance book.

2) The beginning paragraph and the ending paragraph are absolutely contradictory. You start off by saying how much Becky needs this man. Then you conclude by saying that she doesn't. That's like starting a story off by saying the prince must rescue the damsel in distress held captive by the mermaid queen - and then saying, "but he didn't need to fill in the image of every prince of every fairytale, he was just going to play his xbox instead."

I picked up no errors, but I thought this paragraph was odd:

Becky Trumbolt was her own person, and she would not be controlled by a man, or her emotions any longer. Not even one who could destroy her world with just words. Granted, he hadn’t spoken them once the six years we’d been together, but he’d said other ones that had the same effect over time. “I will get married. Even if it’s not to Daniel Smith,” although, I hoped it was.

You are writing about a woman thinking about herself in third person and then thinking of herself in first person. It's a bit confusing. You might want to consider putting bits of this paragraph into italics to make her thoughts to herself clear.

Other than that, I think it was a sturdy beginning for a novel, but it all depends on what your plot is going to be. If it is something that you wouldn't read if you picked it up at a store, consider twisting and pulling and stretching it to make it more interesting.

- Jai

Hi there.. so I thought that this was quite good, but could be improved. I'm also with the previous reviewer in that I hope the story doesn't dissolve into a cliche later on in the plot. I think that this installment itself is quite well written.. I'm terribly fond of the main character though, and am unable to relate to her.. which is an important aspect of writing. Make your characters easy to relate to. Even the villains.

Overall, nice write. Be wary of future cliches. And of doing thoughts in the third person.

-Coral-

Hello Temp. I'm Shear, dropping by for a quick review.

Alright so I didn't catch many grammatical errors or punctuation errors so that's a total plus.
So my first reaction to this was like, oh another cliche...But, I was gladly surprised that this time it wasn't a teenager meeting some new guy at school who she suddenly falls head over heels for. I'm glad to see that this is a case of a woman who wants to marry the man she loves but her boyfriend is against marriage (for some reason, hopefully we find out) and I like it, as the prologue goes.
Now, with that being said, I would love to see the MC grow into an independent woman who strives to be great on her own, having the guy come crawling back to her with a ring. XD
My only concern with this piece was the transactions. There were some parts where I didn't get the setting or some small parts where I was wondering what she was doing. Other than that, this was a nice prologue and I'm interested in seeing how this MC grows and how this story is going to develop.
Keep at it!

~Shear