The Words You Spoke

Again, something random I wrote. Dust to dust, ashes to ashes. Burn it if you wish.

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I see you struggle to find the world,
and I let you take your time.
A gentle hand upon your arm,
was enough to help it come out.

The words then flowed and didn't stop,
and I just tried to keep up.
You mesmerized me with what you though,
but I still felt the pain when you walked away.

I never knew you cared so much,
and that is why I stayed at bay.
But now I just only wish,
I could hold your arm again.

Hi there-

Nice piece you have here.. I think that the emotional connection with the reader could be strengthened a bit.. perhaps more background or description of the people in the poem. It's very ambiguous, and gives no real substance to hold onto. I also think that a subtle rhyme scheme might help tighten up the rhythm a bit. It was apparent in the second stanza already.

Overall, this was a nice piece. I really liked your phrasing and word choice, and the consistency in structured stanzas is always nice.

-Coral-

Hey there.

I really like this piece, I find that it flows well and I thought the word choice was great. However, I did get a little confused at this line;

The words then flowed and didn't stop,
and I just tried to keep up.

The reason for this is that it sounded like it was meant to rhyme, but there were no other rhymes in your poem. That was just me being nit-pickish, just because I think that it's such a great poem.

~Crimson

I really like it! but I think maybe as a reader it would be easier to keep up with it if there was a little bit more of a background story just to know what is going on, the poem is nice I like it keep going!

This was good. Not great, perhaps, but good. I think it feels a little rushed; I would take a little more time to illustrate the emotions of both characters. But it was sad and sweet in its own way, as well as relatable. Very nice; keep writing!