Just a Phase

They build you up
Stay with you
Encourage you

They try to help you
Sign you up for classes
Maybe send you to a camp

They tell you, you can acheive your dreams
You can do anything
As long as you put our heart to it

They act as if they dont care
About the job markets
If you'd get a lot of money

They listen to you
When you spill out your life
You think they're the only ones who get you

They keep you up to date
Buy a magazine or two
Get you a new notebook

But then you get older
They start pressuring you more at school
You start to feel yourself cracking

You tell them what you want to do
Again
And they put you down

They thought it was a phase!

It's a one in a million chance
You have to want it 100%!
Why don't you choose something more acheivable?

The people you thought
Would always be there
Are standing right in front of you
And you don't recongnize them

Who are they?
I'm not really sure anymore...

It's not very good, I know. I was just really feeling the pressure one day and, yeah... Anyway, I would really appreciate it if someone would help me with puncuation, we haven't really gone over how to write poems in school so, I'm not sure what to do. And please give your opinion on things I could fix. Thanks,

-iheartbooks♥

Hello there iheartbooks
I am no expert at punctuation either, but what I would suggest when you write a poem, punctuate line by line as you would a sentence. For example,

They build you up,
Stay with you,
Encourage you.

They try to help you,
Sign you up for classes,
Maybe send you to a camp.

They tell you can acheive your dreams;
You can do anything
As long as you put our heart to it.

Something like that, I'm not really sure what you were going for as far as feelings.
I think your poem was a little off when it cam to rhythm; maybe it's because of no punctuation; but it felt like I was reading what I like to call 'skeleton waiting for flesh' because sometimes it felt as if I was reading ideas jotted down yet to be developed. Also, you kept on repeating the same statements but using different words. But besides all that, it is quite good in terms of the idea.

Keep writing, you will improve

Hey what happened to that other person? Person? You out there? hellloooooo!!!!

Thanks for your comment ziggiefred, it means a lot to me! I have a little notebook where I keep my stuff in, so I'll fix it in there.

Hi!

Okay, you've picked a great theme here. Most, if not all readers can really relate to it, and as a consequence you don't have to work quite as hard to stimulate those emotions. Of course, you should work as hard as you can on putting the emotions in anyway, because it'll create a really strong connection between you and the reader, which is completely worthwhile. And I found emotion just a tad lacking, here. You're more telling me the way it is than showing me, and I only know because of that personal experience, which you can't completely rely on.

In terms of punctuation, those rules are made to be broken when it comes to poetry. You have a lot of freedom here, and you aren't using it to your full potential. Poetry is about making your reader feel what you want them to feel, and structure, rhyme, etc. are just tools to help you do that. When they're used in the wrong way, it's like using a ballpoint pen to do a Fauvist painting. It's restrictive, and ruins what you could have made it. Here, you need to give yourself a bit more freedom in terms of your structure. The rhythm is well-thought-out, but it doesn't portray the emotions of the narrator in the best way that it could.

Beyond that, I think ziggiefred has everything covered. So I hope I helped, and please don't hesitate to PM me if there's anything you don't understand, or anything else I can do to help.
~Grin

very spontaneous. hi i'm pencil and i thought your poem was full of rhymes that were meaningful and not very random. you surely have the potential to improve and i think you really worked hard on this poem try more dramatic work and special themes that can relate to the society so it can grab the readers interest
lots of luck!
pencil

I like how you interpret your feelings into this piece. I believe it's about the narators parents and how there trust changes while they grow up. I have had the same experiences. Your writing is always easy to connect to for me (and probably multible others). Anyway, keep writing!

Hi there.
I really liked the theme of this piece.. the tone was excellent, a little bit of dismay, a little bit of outrage, a dash of disappointment.. wonderfully done.
However.. the piece didn't really work with me. Not because of punctuation.. I think that in poetry, you can generally do what you want, as long as it isn't unreadable or a travesty of the English language. Or misspelled.
But rather.. the lack of imagery. There were no metaphors, similes, analogies, comparisons of any kind. There were blunt images, factual, right on target, plain images. But I want more. When it comes to poetry, I love being able to compare the situation to anything and everything, get metaphors that fit perfectly.. nothing is more beautiful than a perfect metaphor. It just.. doubles the awesomeness of a write by tenfold.
Overall though.. I liked this piece. The consistency and then sudden inconsistency of stanza structure was a bit jarring, but otherwise, this was well done.
Nice job. c:


-Coral-