the fielder's mitt

Spoiler

A/N: The Catcher in the Rye, chapter 5.

traces of ink resemble splinters
on the side of his hand
when he finishes writing –
but similes on brown leather look
as good as he thought, if not better.

and now that the batter is running,
the fielder can stretch out his left hand:
his favourite poem is right there
in the middle of the valley, easy to see

and inside the whirlpool
of cheers and gravel,
he reads until the bat is occupied again
but it has to be rewritten every now and then,
since the ball grinds the text away like sandpaper
after being caught

he used not to notice how the green looked
darker on the mitt than in the bottle,
and he hasn't told anyone that
a dash of ink crossed his life line
when it was still wet

but until the lights are out in Maine,
the only reason he plays baseball
is the poetry on his palm.

I don't generally understand this poem. Well, I'm not one to judge on the flow of poems because I have a hard time understanding it at times. But you need to capitalize the sentences. I did, however like the metaphor:

ball grinds the text away like sandpaper

But now the more I read it the more I start to understand it a bit, but next time just remember capitalization.

I found it!

Despite being only about four pages long, it took me a while to understand how this fitted into Catcher of the Rye. I only read it a few weeks ago and I've already completely forgotten what happens in it, lol. Anyway, I loved this idea - you were effectively writing Holden's poem about Allie. Nice.

Okay, so. The first stanza I thought was great - that surreal mix of sport and poetry written using imagery, which is very cool. That's a great blend. However,

and now that the batter is running,
the fielder can stretch out his left hand:
his favourite poem is right there
in the middle of the valley, easy to see

and inside the whirlpool
of cheers and gravel,
he reads until the bat is occupied again
but it has to be rewritten every now and then,
since the ball grinds the text away like sandpaper
after being caught

... kind of bores me. The italicised part in my view would be much more effective if you entwined the idea of writing in a way that reflected the fast-pacing of the baseball game on basic simile/adjectival/whatever levels. Think about it, do you really need to type out "every now and then", "since the ball grinds away" or "is occupied again"?

I don't mean to be patronising, but not only would doing this add some fundamental variety and enjoyment for the reader but it would reflect a) the situation of the sportsman but crucially b) reflect the intensity that the poetry achieves by its being written on a baseball mitt - after all, that's what's interesting about Allie's mitt. His sport is made enjoyable by the writing, and not the other way around.

By picking up the pacing there, we would also find ourselves being reconnected to the concrete world of the baseball game before returning to the description of Allie in the final two stanzas. Of course, it's your decision. You could even go the opposite route and make the fast-paced section outside of the baseball game. That way, it might show how ironic it was that baseball was actually the relaxing part of his life (ie, reflecting final stanza)? Now, it's 1am right now, so please attack me if this doesn't make sense. Just thoughts.

Okay, I'm having trouble with "the bottle". You probably didn't mean it to have any significance (maybe just an ink bottle?) but then I thought maybe you meant that Allie hadn't told anyone he had leukaemia (the dash of ink on his life line) and the bottle was something metaphorical too? And then lights going out in Maine was his death? That was my reading, anyway. Perhaps if you clear that up I can get back to it. Either way, I love that verse - it's by far my favourite.

The ending works very well, of course. But the point of this review was to point out how to make it stronger - it really encapsulates Allie's story, in my view. So! Great stuff, as always, and an original concept. But I hope to get back to you with further thoughts. ^^

Hope this helped,

Mass,
Exodus

Hey Dems!
I adore this poem. Probably because I love your subject. Having recently read and fallen in love with Catcher in the Rye, I was taken in by this poem. You picked a subject that was rather subtly mentioned in the book, but I was pleasantly surprised and pleased to realize that I didn't need to thumb through the book to understand what you were referring to. I just instantly knew (which I admit, made me all smug ). This made me realize that the glove had stayed in my mind. And once reading your poem, the image of the glove intensified and sort of awed me because I hadn't realized the poignancy of the glove when reading the book. Forgive me--this isn't really a critique of your poem but my general feelings and thoughts towards your approach. As I've already mentioned, I love it. Taking subjects from well known fiction really intrigues and fascinates me--especially if the subject is something that the reader would have carelessly read through while reading the original source. You've given Alli and his glove a new life. So, I guess when I really dig down deep, it's actually the idea and concept of the poem that I adore more than the poem itself--though the poem is not bad at all. In fact I found it very clever.
My favourite versus:

his favourite poem is right there
in the middle of the valley, easy to see

a dash of ink crossed his life line
when it was still wet

but until the lights are out in Maine,
the only reason he plays baseball
is the poetry on his palm.

My only qualm has to do with the bottle image as Blink also mentioned above. I actually don't quite understand what you mean by it. Perhaps I'm looking too deeply into it. I had to pause and contemplate on it, and I found it confusing. Apart from that I thought the poem was excellent. I liked how you described Allie's glove in the midst of a baseball game. The poetry and meaning of the glove with the setting of the baseball game make the poem, as well as the glove, more meaningful.

Great job!