The French Revolution Song (parody of Hey Soul Sister)

Hola! Just a quick note to better understand the lyrics. This was a project for school and it's for a A Tale of Two Cities form Madame Defarge's perspective. Thanks. And uh, it's a parody of Hey Soul Sister by Train.

Hey Hey Hey

The blood it stains,
the ground and everywhere there’s people slain.
You know it’s easy to forget you
when everyone around is dying too.

The screams they sound
from the guillotine and people all around.
I knew when we first sighted,
you’re a spy who I’ve decided
will meet their doom.

chorus:
Hey knitting sister aint that mister mister
from the first estate, he shan’t escape,
we’ll kill him for his crimes of hate.
Hey knitting sister, we’ll find his whole family
and kill them ‘cause they relate
Tonight…


They’re out of time.
We’re armed to pieces
with pitchforks and knives.
We’ll give France a new direction.
Through force and of connections
they can’t deny.

We’re so obsessed
with the guillotine
and citizen arrests.
I believe in change
like the tides you cannot stop it
and we’ll fight until our new flag’s raised on high.

chorus repeat

Let’s go storm the Bastille!
This experience is so unreal!
you’re a patriot, I’m one too
then let’s go bid the king adieu!
You see, we can be free now finally
and end this dreadful monarchy.
I want the world to see what France can be.

repeat chorus??!

hey hey hey, tonight... to the end!

Haha, this is good and funny! I really like the chorus! I even played the song and sung along to your lyrics! Haha! We had to make a song about Ancient Greece in 5th grade! My lyrics weren't half as good as yours though! PM me if you want me to review any other of your works!
Keep Writing!
-KAH

That was hilarious and really well done. It's been ages since I've read "A Tale of Two Cities", and now you've got me wanting to read it right now. XD

Unfortunately (Dun dun dun!), your punctuation is not quite up to par. There is almost no punctuation in this, and it really needs the punctuation. Right now, there's a whole bunch of run-ons, and some lines don't quite make sense on first read through. That every line is capitalized doesn't help things, either.

There were a couple of lines that I think could use a bit of tweaking. Case in point: "We’re armed to pieces". "Armed to pieces" just doesn't sound right to me. "We're armed to the teeth" is a bit more conventional, though I'm not sure how it works with the rest of the song.

Still, overall, this was hilarious. Good job.

Hey, thanks for the comments! I attempted to fix the punctuation problem and I think it's pretty much solved. So, hopefully that will end the whole run-in problems! And I also tried to fix the way how every line starts with a capital letter, that's sort of due to how I type in Microsoft, which tends to capitalize everything (very annoying) and I'm lazy when it comes to read throughs... Thanks again!

So funny! Thanks for a good laugh!

Like usual, this isn't a proper review... sorry.

I just wanted to drop by and say how much I liked this (again). I really do adore your parodies, hobbit. They're all very funny and they make me smile... so woop! Seriously though, the chorus is immense.

My only critique is that you could maybe use some more grammar...? Sorry that's a pretty pointless critique, just felt like I should mention something that might help you a bit.

Once again, sorry this was pointless (:

Keep writing!

xoxo Rhian

I don't have to say much but I really like this. It's totally funny. You have convinced me to love the original song.

Good job. *claps*

Like the others I can't see much to correct in your work but I just wanted to congratulate you on another excellent parody so well done and thank you

I seriously, absolutely LOVED this!!!! I laughed the whole way through it!! I kinda wish we had to do stuff like this for school!!