My dear temptation

I like this poem, but I think you should use more detail on what your "dear temtation" looks like, and why your temtation is your temtation. I like this work, but it could use small bits of work. I'm not one to talk, just trying to help.

Okay, i like your concept. What you are lacking are three things.
one, this poem has no description in it. Well, a little. But poems are supposed to show, not tell. I think you should describe the temptation and what it looks and feels like, deribe the evil demons the shadows. Definatly describe the love intrest more. Maybe something like this:
His pale lips are puckered and i lean in to kiss them,
all the while knowing temptation lurks by side,
hidden in the liquid shadows of the night.

You see? it sounds good. Add more description.

Second i think your poem needs a splash of better vocabulary. Just use some more interesting word, you know? the words you use are sort of overused by now. Like:
"as we lie in each others arms"
would sound better as:
"he holds me tight as I lay my head on his chest."

Third, i wanted more. Thats good. add more about the temptation and how it affects her. Maybe add something about the temptation leading her to have sex or something. Just add a more intimate side to it. I like the idea, but the poem is flat.

I liked it. With a little work, this poem could be amazing.

This is very good, I like the imagery here. You painted a picture of despair that I can relate to with temptation. But there were a few minor set backs.

annapapadimitriou123 wrote:

My dear temptation, you are so sweet,
So very beautiful in fact.
You know just how to fill the cracks within my soul,
And feel as if you are the beginning and the end. (Period, my friend. Don't forget punctuation!)

When you knock on the door, already you've become my whole world.
You have a power I cannot explain,
An electric energy, that freezes my thoughts.

For you I left it all behind,
Because you're always worth those few diamond droplets of time. (This seemed a bit longer than most lines in the poem. It kind of broke the rhythm of it a bit.)

As we lie in each other’s arms,
Our reflection appears in the mirror of truth,
And the lurking demons begin to laugh and smother me in liquid darkness.

I’m drowning now, my dear temptation,
But you are nowhere to be seen.
There is a problem you see,
You left and forgot to give back my heart

I love the end of it, it is truly beautiful. Keep writing!