Unraveling

Unraveling

You lifted my chains,
You set me free.
Allowed me to live,
Granted me permission to sing,
You gave me the key.
Now that I have been freed,
I need to breathe,
Float in the air,
No one can stop me.
I am unraveling,
Not slowly but quickly.
As every thread is of value,
So is every moment of time.
I am unraveling,
Slowly but surely.
I am unraveling,
I am now free.

Hi, so this is interesting. I like the unraveling element, I think that could really bring life to this poem if you used it in the right way. When I hear unraveling, I think of a sensation a little like freefall, but controlled. I think if you found a unique slant to put on this, it could be wonderful, but at the moment it's very narrative, with little emotion. "Granted me permission to sing" is very cold, why do you want to sing? Permission doesn't have the uplifting, freeing effect that the rest of the poem does. What is it about singing that makes you happy? How do you feel as you unravel?

Apart from that, I like the ideas you give the reader in this poem, that before you were freed you couldn't breathe, personally, I imagine a sigh of relief when I read this. Your grammar and spelling are good, I can't see anything that I'd change, apart from the capitalisation of the start of every line. That's just personal preference though, for me it feels disjointed when poems have capitalisations at the start of every line, but it's totally down to the writer when it comes to that.

I hope this has been helpful.

~Roon

Hi Aspiringauthor17! Welcome to the Young Writers' Society; I hope you will get some good reviews here, as well as do a bit of reviewing yourself. Speaking of which, I wrote a long, detailed review on your poem, but apparently the site crashed while I was writing it and it was lost. So, here's a shorter version ...

I love the whole idea of this poem, and how it really just unraveled. The whole poem unraveled. At the end, I was free. It's called synesthesia. It's really spectacular, and something very difficult to achieve.

I agree with Roon that "Granted me permission to sing" is very cold. The poem is full of light, free verses, then all of a sudden there is this one, heavy, eight-syllable long line. Cut that, and this poem will be perfect.

Hello! I liked this! I like how you said "As every thread is of value, So is every moment of time. " Because every moment in time is important. Because no matter who you are you have an impact. I like how it talks about how you can unravel and change very quickly and people need to wake up and see the new you. This poem told me that you don't always have to wait up for people, change and moving ahead is good! So, this is what your lovely poem made me think! PM if you want to chat about anything!
-KAH

Thanks everyone for your comments. The reviews were very helpful, thanks for checking out my works.

~Lindsay