Paranoia And Me

Just recently, a few hours ago actually, I received the delightful news that I have been clinically diagnosed with paranoia. And all this time I just thought I was an eccentric girl with a vivid imagination. Oh, sweet ignorance.

Paranoia is a condition that has a variety of symptoms, all of which boil down to one very basic train of thought: the individual believes that they are in risk of being harmed by someone who has plotted to do so overtime.
I'm not going to lie, I have made myself a few enemies in my short life, the biggest of them all being my step dad. For reasons I really haven't the will power to go into, he has quite literally put me in my own personal hell for the six years that he and my mother were a "thing". Even though he is no longer a part of my life, he still lives in the same city as I do. It is not a big city and it's not uncommon for me to see him every once in a while. He still has something against me, I believe he blames me for the divorce. He loved my mom and vise versa, but I was always the one against the relationship. I hated the guy and he in turn hated me. When the divorce was finial, his hatred only grew and he outwardly blamed me for ruining something "special". To make a long story short, I know he's out to get me. He was never one to forgive and forget, he's more on the revenge type of guy.

One of the symptoms is fear, pretty self explanatory. Before today, I just thought that living in constant fear of someone who was obviously trying to hurt you was normal. I couldn't go to the bathroom alone, I'd always make one of my mates or my little sister wait outside the door, but didn't most girls do that anyway? I refused to be home alone, why put myself in such a vulnerable situation? Suppose E.S.D(ExStepDad, because I grow tired of writing the whole word.) decides to make a little visit to our house and I'm the only one there? Not a good combination. Not good at all. I can't talk on the phone when other people are in the room and I absolutely have to delete every single text message on my phone every night. Why take the risk of E.S.D getting a hold of my phone and reading my personal information? I won't eat anything that's been out of my sight for too long, poisoning is all too common. Basically, I do most everything I can to make sure there is no way for E.S.D to hurt me. Safety precautions...right?

Second of my symptoms: Delusions. The delusions that one with paranoia might experience are seeing someone follow them, being forced off the road during rush hour, voices telling them that someone is coming for them, or even that someone is trying to read a letter they received over their shoulder. Delusions play a big part in staying paranoid. Just imagine thinking that in the corner of your eye you can see your worst enemy watching you from afar. Imagine seeing that person in your own home, just sitting there watching every little thing you do, waiting for the right time to make their move. It's enough to drive anyone crazy. I don't have any really extreme delusions, just the occasional 'E.S.D is sitting at the table across from me...' or 'How the hell did he get inside my room?'. I'll look that way to find that no one is there but I just can't help but to wonder/ I like to tell myself that this is just minor and that things could be much worst, but I never really was much of an optimist.

My paranoia really isn't very extreme, my mother thinks that with the right about of therapy and the same about of pills I'll be able to beat this. If things don't get better, my paranoia could evolve into schizophrenia and I think that's what I dread the most. I don't want to live in never ending fear of everyone and everything, but if I don't solve this thing with E.S.D it might result to that. I'm lucky my mom is such a worry wart and rushed me to every therapist/doctor she could find when she noticed I was growing more and more irrational, if not things just would be worse. Don't get me wrong, i'm still the same girl I always was...just a bit more insane.

The first step to recovery, after all, is admittance. Stay sane!

~Loveless

This is really good to read. I've never really known much about medical paranoia and this was really an eye-opener.

I'm not going to edit it, as I see you're trying to spread a message to YWS? (maybe) Also, it's very well-written. I think you did a great job of tackling the subject, especially coming from someone who has medical paranoia. I think this will really be a great subject for people to learn about because nobody really talks about paranoia actually being a medical problem.

Good job!

Lavvi

Hello.

I found this to be a pretty good read. It was nice how you broke down the symptoms in a way that made sense to everyday people, making them look logical. On paper they can look just a bit off, which is the only indicator of paranoia I can really see. There's also the whole "mild" thing, which factors into it.

I think the delusions bit could be expanded upon, just a bit. A line or two more about how you reassure yourself would make that section a bit more complete.

Overall, this was pretty good. Courageous to write, I'd think, so I commend you for that.

PM me if you have any questions.

~Rosey

Hi Loveless,

It's good to see pieces like this being written; it's brave of you to talk about something like this with the whole of the site.

However, on a strictly critiquing note, I found this to resemble a blog entry rather than a non-fiction piece. It was pretty informative, but seemed more like telling your friends what was going with you, rather than the sort of thing that might get published in a newspaper or magazine. What it needs is more details about your experiences. You clarify what your symptons are, but there's not that much personal input for what is essentially a personal piece. I'd rather have examples than dry scientific descriptions of your paranoia.

It's also a bit informal. That's why it resembles a blog. If you want this to be more like a non-fiction piece, it has to be less "My mom is such a worry wart." That sort of turn of phrase doesn't really belong in serious work.

Thanks for sharing, though! I'm glad you could do so.

Hello, Loveless. Reise here to review your entry.

This was a nice read, in my limited time being here, I haven't seen many post like this on Yws. I've never looked at paranoia as a medical condition, and this is a fresh new perspective on that condition. This was very informal, when I got done reading this I felt ten times smarter. I wish the best for you and I hope you get better.

ReisePiecey!

Hello.

I really enjoyed this piece. The informal writing style was great for us uneducated people. You made something as strange and distant as paranoia seem quite real. I also liked how you first gave a symptom, then gave a personal experience. Stupid E.S.D >:(

Nit-Picks

My paranoia really isn't very extreme, my mother thinks that with the right about of therapy and the same about of pills I'll be able to beat this.

amount, not about

I'm lucky my mom is such a worry wart and rushed me to every therapist/doctor she could find when she noticed I was growing more and more irrational, if not things just would be worse.

This seems like a run-on sentence to me. Consider revising it

That's about all I could find wrong with this piece. Great job on it, and thanks for sharing.

To be quite honest, I can't find anything wrong with the piece. Whatever ESD did, it wasn't good if you've ended up with paranoia. Still, at least it won't develop into someting far worse.

Anyway, as I have already said, I can't find anything wrong with it, it was a very good to read and has informed me of more things about paranoia which I didn't know about. Good job!