Sleeping Love

a girl from toronto was asleep in her bed
she was completely asleep from her toes to her head
but she started to run outside in the snow
what was she crazy?
I really don't know
where was she headed?
headed to the ham
as if she was running from her finals exam!
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there was a boy from the ham, sleeping in his bed
sleeping so tightly, breathing so slightly that you would have though he was dead!
but he simply got up and started to run
and noone could stop him once he had begun
he ran and ran, towards T.O
as if he was running late for a show!
both of them ran
like never before
hearing their footsteps thumping the floor
they met eachother at Burlington bay
funny how they didn't fall astray!
she opened his eyes and he opened hers
and for a minute it was all a blur
but then they realized what they had done
she called him sweetheart
he called her hun
and cuddled up they lied in the snow
each of them wondering if the other would know
how much they loved eachother, it was surreal
the love they had was easy so easy to feel
she asked him "do you really love me?"
he replied
"yup"
and together they waited holding hands until the sun came up!

by the way... The Ham means Hamilton, it's the city i'm from XD

Good one.I get the point of it.
There is a few to it though.

a girl from toronto was asleep in her bed
she was completely asleep from her toes to her head

That second line annoys me somehow.I think it is bad to repeat asleep two times in a rhyme.Try something more created.Here is a few examples: catching some zzz's, comatose, conked, crashed, dormant, dozing, dreaming, flaked out, getting shut-eye, hibernating, in dreamland, in repose, inactive, inert, napping, on the kip, out cold, out like a light, out of it, out*, reposing, resting, sacked out, sleeping, slumbering, snoozing, snoring, somnolent, taking forty winks.

what was she crazy?

I don't there is a need for the "what".Just stick with "Was she crazy?"

where was she headed?

I have a question,who is she being headed by?If nobody then it should be "Heading"

sleeping so tightly

You can get rid of it alright.It doesn't change the poem much.

noone

it should be no one.you were missing a space.

It is really good though!

Hey there! =D

First of all, I like the idea of this poem. It almost holds a sort of . . . dreamlike quality to it. It has a sort of playful voice, to me, that makes it very light-hearted and imaginative.

However, a few things you should watch out for: your mechanics and your rhyme scheme.

A girl from Toronto was asleep in her bed.
She was completely asleep from her toes to her head,
but she started to run outside in the snow.
What, was she crazy?
I really don't know.
Where was she headed?
Headed to the Ham,
as if she was running from her finals exam!

Something about "was" here just irks me . . . it might be my own tendency to use "were" in this case, though. XD
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There was a boy from the Ham, sleeping in his bed,
sleeping so tightly, breathing so slightly that you would have thought he was dead!
This sentence seems a little long . . . unless you meant for "tightly" and "slightly" to go together, like . . .
Sleeping so tightly,
Breathing so slightly,
That you would have thought he was dead!

But of course, I'm not in your head, so. XD

But he simply got up and started to run,
and no one could stop him once he had begun.
He ran and ran, towards T.O
as if he was running late for a show!
Both of them ran
like never before,
"Both of them ran" seems a little left out here. Though I can see what you would be trying to do with it if you meant it to be this way.

hearing their footsteps thumping the floor.
They met each other at Burlington bay.
Funny how they didn't fall astray!
She opened his eyes and he opened hers,
and for a minute it was all a blur,
Just wanted to say this is my favorite part . . . I love the sort of play on words and double meaning you put into their waking up. =)

but then they realized what they had done.
She called him sweetheart;
he called her hun,
and, cuddled up, they lied in the snow,
each of them wondering if the other would know
how much they loved each other; it was surreal;
the love they had was easy, so easy to feel.
She asked him, "Do you really love me?"
He replied,
"Yup,"
I would put "Yup" on the same line as "he replied."
and together they waited, holding hands, until the sun came up!

Let me also say that I love the parallels you put into your work . . . like how they both just began running like madmen and how they opened their eyes together. It sort of reminds me of two mirrors being put up against each other. =) There's also the way it makes the reader think of love; love seems almost crazed here, and of course the sort of thing that overcomes many great obstacles.

As I said, you have a very good idea. Just watch your mechanics: capitalization and punctuation, and a little bit of your word phrasing. Keep in mind that YOU'RE directing the reader on how to read your work; so you want it to flow well.

Keep up the good work!~

Since AkiKerosin has already gone through the poem, I thought I'd just give you my opinion on a few more points. Most of the grammar points are non-negotiable, but a couple are just my opinion, such as taking out the exclamation marks (they shouldn't be necessary) and putting speech marks round "sweetheart" and "hon'".

A girl from Toronto was asleep in her bed.
She was completely asleep, from her toes to her head,
but she started to run outside in the snow.
What was she, crazy?
I really don't know.
Where was she headed?
Headed to the Ham,
as if she were running from her finals exam.

I don't know exactly what the purpose of the line of dashes was, but I don't think it's important - just put a line break to write a new verse. I think some of the rest of the poem could do with splitting up as well.

There was a boy from the Ham, sleeping in his bed,
Sleeping so tightly,
Breathing so slightly,
That you would have thought he was dead.
Something's wrong about the rhythm here. I think you need an extra line before it, and then I'd change the line slightly:
Da-da-da-da-da
You'd have thought he was dead.
But he simply got up and started to run,
and no one could stop him once he had begun.
He ran and ran, towards T.O
as if he were running late for a show.
I'd start a new verse here - it sort of fits, writing a verse about the girl, a verse about the boy, and then a verse about both of them.

Both of them ran
like never before,
hearing their footsteps thumping the floor.
They met each other at Burlington bay.
Funny how they didn't fall astray!
I don't like this line. It sounds like you've only put it in for the rhyme.
She opened his eyes and he opened hers,
and for a minute it was all a blur,
Love this bit
but then they realized what they had done.
She called him "sweetheart";
he called her "hon'",
and, cuddled up, they lay in the snow,
each of them wondering if the other would know
'Would' know doesn't seem right, because it's future tense. To keep the rhyme and rhythm, I'd change it to 'could' know.
how much they loved each other; it was surreal;
the love they had was easy, so easy to feel.
She asked him, "Do you really love me?"
He replied, "Yup,"
and together they waited
holding hands
until the sun came up.

I am a great hater of exclamation marks - I think they're childish and often used to disguise bad writing, and good writing shouldn't need to rely on them to make it interesting. Your writing is very good, so I think taking them out improves the poem rather than removing the excitement.

Anyway, overall I really enjoyed your poem. It has a strong driving storyline, your rhymes don't seem forced (with the exception of the one I pointed out), which is much harder than it looks, and the words themselves work well to make reading it enjoyable. Well done, and keep writing! (I know, I know, exclamation mark...)

Hey there, Mr Sillie, I'm June,

I think this poem is a certain kind of cute, but there are some things about it that I don't think work too well. Let's have a look,

a girl from toronto was asleep in her bed
she was completely asleep from her toes to her head

By saying that she's asleep the first time, we understand that she's really sleeping, dear! Saying completely asleep a second time makes me wonder, is she dead?

but she started to run outside in the snow
what was she crazy?

You need a comma after "she" in the second line. I understand that you're going for interest here, dear, but I'm not too sure if her starting to run out in the snow makes sense if you're not giving us a reason to base this on. It seems like she's just running, and the two lines that close this part

headed to the ham
as if she was running from her finals exam!

aren't uniform to what you're saying. Because it's a pair that rhyme, I feel that you can easily replace these two lines with something that makes more sense.

Overall, I think this poem is cute. Some parts really don't make sense, and I don't really think you should do that just to fill up the poem, or rhyme with a line, but in hindsight, it gave a fun air to this poem, and I kind of liked that about it. I felt that your lines could have been better paced, because they felt kind of uneven when I read through it, but overall, I think you did an okay job.

Keep writing,

June

aha guys funny story behind this poem... my girlfriend said that i couldn't make a poem where every line rhymed to the word underneath it. So i proved her wrong and wrote this poem on Skype in like 3 minutes. Thats why it's so rubbish. I only posted it to see what you would think of it... guess it's pretty bad huh? Lol, well it was just for fun, so whatever Keep on writing people! Seems writing is the only thing you can't get in trouble for in this world!

I really like this poem. At first I didn't understand why they were running to the Ham:P There's a few mistakes, is there intentionally no capitalization?

the love they had was easy, so easy to feel

I think there should be a comma after the first easy ^ (in red) just so that the line flows more. I'm pretty sure a lot of the mistakes have been covered already

Otherwise, good job

I liked that(:
Really good.