Watching a TV of Memories.

If I had to describe someone I liked, it’s pretty hard to. Not just personality, not just looks, but who they simply are.
Sure, you can describe exactly how their hair falls over their face, and how their eyes make you melt, or how they can always make you smile and laugh just when they’re being goofy.
But who they are, who they are in their soul you could ramble on for page after page. Just of pointless things you notice about them.
Like that little freckle on their face, or how when they smile they have that little dimple, or how you don’t want to stop looking at them, and when you do look at them you can’t stop that rush of feelings.
But, who they are and how they make you feel are two totally different things. You sure can try, but it can’t do itself justice.
Because you can’t describe how you feel about someone in a specific word count. You can’t describe how exactly their voice, touch, look, or even eyes, make you feel… even how your heart races at the slightest mention of them, or how if you smell that scent they always smell like, or see someone with almost the same eyes, instantly your brain will flicker to them.
Almost like your brain is a TV and your remote batteries are broken, there’s no buttons on the TV to change the channels and there isn’t an on or off switch. You’re stuck there hopelessly staring at a TV of memories that just keep going. Replaying one after another, and re-winding to your favorite parts.
Although, the TV can’t capture the rapid thudding of your heart, and it can’t focus in enough to watch your palms slowly get moist with sweat. Or can it hear inside your head and the rush of thoughts you automatically have. And it can’t capture the feeling of relief you feel when you’re in the same room as them, or even feel them slightly brush on your arm.
But, what’s thinking about that going to do? Help you dwell on the fact that you know thinking about memories isn’t going to help anything? It’s not going to do anything.
Yet, you can’t take action either. Afraid of that nine lettered word that no one wants to experience, and always have at least once.
Rejection.


(I really like this, but I want to know others thoughts! Thanks! )

Wow, this was really good. It has a super clear purpose and was written very creatively. You did a really good job of vocalizing what I think alot of people feel, and I think that's important in any piece of writing. The only qualm I have with this piece is the televison metaphor. I feel like you could have expanded on this so much more and connected it maybe a little bit better to your opening. Overall, I thought it was really enjoyable and honest. Wonderful work.

Hi there!
First of all, I like the clarity of this piece. It digs deep into a person's emotions and I agree with everything that you said, I mean, I bet I could an entire book on the person I like. It'd be filled with useless information too, as you said haha.
There's one thing I'd like to point out though, I think you overused the words 'and' and 'or'. Try varying your sentences so it isn't a sloppy read. I understand where you were getting at when using or this and this or that but I think you overdid just a tad. I'd review it and omit some of them.
Other than that, you did a wonderful job. My favorite was when you compared the feelings to a TV. I could totally understand that part
Keep it up!

~Pink

Hey there! I'm Eddie and I'm going to take a shot at reviewing this for you today.

I can't go down my normal road of correcting typos and grammar, and telling you what I thought of your characters and plot etc. As this piece was more of an informative, in a way. So instead I'm just going to tell you what i thought, straight up.

One nitpick I found is this part here:

LiveScreamWriting wrote:Sure, you can describe exactly how their hair falls over their face, and how their eyes make you melt, or how they can always make you smile and laugh just when they’re being goofy.
But who they are, who they are in their soul you could ramble on for page after page. Just of pointless things you notice about them.
Like that little freckle on their face, or how when they smile they have that little dimple, or how you don’t want to stop looking at them, and when you do look at them you can’t stop that rush of feelings.

The two parts I put in bold to me are the same, the part in italics is where you seem to contradict yourself. Perhaps the last part in bold needs to swap places with the italicized part.

All in all this was a very well written piece, there was a clear 'voice' in there, like I could hear somebody speaking it in my mind although we weren't sure whether the speaker was female or male, or what they looked like, for some reason your choice of words and phrasing created that voice effectively, so well done for that. However I do have one other small nitpick...

LiveScreamWriting wrote:Rejection.

I'm not being picky, but this word knocked me for six. I just couldn't understand why you'd put it there, to me it didn't make any sense whatsoever.

On its own it wasn't the strongest of pieces, purely because I was expecting part of a story and instead I got a kind of list/letter. It's not because it was bad, because it certainly wasn't. But this piece doesn't make a lot of sense on its own, pairing this with the opening chapter of a Romantic short story and it starts to become a whole lot clearer. If you see what I mean? It's a good start, and if you wanted to develop it further I would suggest making it slightly more 'story-like' e.g. adding in subtle hints about the possible plot or characters etc.

I hope this helped, PM me if you have any questions! xo