Horizons of Lashes

Try not to laugh when you read this. I've always known that I'm awful at any sort of poetry, so this is my first attempt at actually writing something in its entirety. I've never done this before, I don't even know how to edit it or what have you. I wrote it on my itouch at 3 in the morning because I couldn't sleep and sentences were bouncing around in my head. So I'll pass this on to the experts and let poets all over the world roll over in their graves. Here I am guys, the next Sylvia Plath.
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Gray blue and surrounded by horizons of lashes
Pebbles sink in foamy depths
Birds burst through on naked wings
Tangle in foamy brows and sandy hair
Hearts like seaglass washed up too early
Toes entwined and hands stretched out
Towards clouds in a sea of fog
Whispered words spit on unwilling ears
Goodbye tastes like salt 
Brittle and useless, unhealthy flavor.
Holes in sand shaped like corpses
Shells collect grime like dying roses 
Birds crawl through knees, elbows and toes
Pebbles wash up on a hardened floor
Gray blue and surrounded by horizons of lashes.

You ruin the whole mood when you start off saying, "I'm horrible, don't laugh at me!" Relax.

There's nothing to laugh about. You've got a solid attempt here. But it just seems like you're trying way too hard to be vague and you've got pretty images you want to display, but you've jumbled them all together out of context. And you add too many adjectives that are needless or too much. For example:

1) What are the birds bursting through? And obviously their wings are naked, as I've yet to see a bird with sleeved wings.
2) And what's tangling? The birds?
3) What are the toes entwining? (which, by the way, conjures strange images)
4) "Brittle and useless, unhealthy flavor" is not needed. "Goodbye tastes like salt" is a good enough line on its own. The rest is overkill and wordy.
5) "Holes in sand shaped like corpses": try a different word than "holes." Hole immediately conjures the idea of round and small-ish. "Shaped like corpses" then gives us this image of HUGE holes in the sand. And what is the significance of said holes? You've rushed us off to the next image before we absorb this one.
6) Birds don't crawl. And they especially don't crawl through body parts.

And there are just too many disjointed images. We start with the horizon and a beach scene, okay. Then we have hearts? (The concrete noun there is hearts, whereas seaglass being the noun we're supposed to visualize would have worked better.) Then we have body parts. Then back to the beach stuff. Then roses. Then a hard floor (not very sandy).

I understand this was a nighttime torment/torrent of words that you had, but take a little more time to make them work together. Don't just place them next to each other and hope they work.

Also, add some punctuation so we know how to read this. Where should we pause? Where should two ideas be separated? Because right now, we're just rushing headlong into every verse.

Lines I liked:
"Whispered words on unwilling ears." I think the "spit" is unnecessary.
"Goodbye tastes like salt"
"Shells collect (other noun) like dying roses." Grime just doesn't do it for me. It doesn't feel like it belongs with shells or roses.

Polish it up, pick your words more carefully, and put the idea together. Most of all, if you've got a message, make it slightly more apparent. Right now it just looks like pretty fluff to me.

Lemme know if you have any questions!

sargsauce is totally right about this. Firstly, NEVER use a disclaimer like that when presenting your work! It's setting yourself up for failure. Have confidence in yourself, you can do it! sargsauce pointed out most of the major issues. I'm concerned, however, that you used the word "foamy" twice in three lines--watch out for nasty unintentional repetition like that. Punctuation is much needed here. Although the poem is ultimately muddled by an array of too many images and too little underlying meaning, you have some good figurative language and strong verb choice here. I love "goodbye tastes like salt" and "hearts like seaglass washed up too early"--really nice similes there. You've got potential, but next time reel in the mass of images and inject your words with a deeper meaning. That'll make it more memorable. Keep writing!

PS
Sylvia Plath rocks!

Hi, first of all I just want to say that a lot of times when I can't sleep I will grab my itouch and write stuff. 3 am is when I tend to be most inspired, in fact, I can't write poetry for my life but I managed to write a decent poem one night on my ipod when I couldn't sleep. Go figure

Now, I'm no expert on poetry but I thought this was absolutley amazing! Your imagery was fantastic and you capture the emotion of the moment very well.

I really liked this line:

Holes in sand shaped like corpses

I don't have much in the way of critique except I don't really get the horizon of lashes part. That's probably just me though. This was great! Cheers!

i thought it was really good. you've got the whole 'streams of consciousness' deal going on. it doesn't have to make sense. well.... maybe a little lol. but it was very intriguing, and i liked your vocabulary. i could picture it in my head, and it was a very interesting image haha. i think with a little practice you could become a great poet