Authors Note: It's pretty abrupt, I know...
The next morning was cold; over breakfast Mrs. Mahoney suggested we drive to the little shopping center in Newport.
The morning air was crisp and the wind rustled through my hair as I climbed into the car. Neither Kevin nor Tristan spoke.
"Who died?" Ethan joked in response to the silence in the car. This time I was sitting in the passenger seat while Kevin was driving. In the back seat, Anna was in the middle of Tristan and Ethan. Through the rear view mirror I was able to see Tristan staring out the window; his face ghostly. Kevin forced a laugh at Ethan’s joke. For some reason, it stung me and I curled tighter in the seat. Tristan looked even more pained.
Last night had been a disaster. In every idea I’d ever had of things that could go wrong during this trip, this was by far the worst. Kevin wasn’t talking to me but with each look he gave me I felt sick to my stomach. Tristan wasn’t talking to me either and he was avoiding eye contact, avoiding being near me at all. For some reason, this felt worse. I’d cheated on Kevin but Tristan had gotten most hurt in the process.
We meandered around the shops and I was able to act normal. I convinced myself that if I got through this day it would improve. It would take time to fix this. Anna window shopped, pointing out to Ethan everything she liked. I wondered if they could feel the tension surrounding us or if that was all in my head. Kevin stayed close to me, which was surprising, I figured he would want nothing to do with me. But I realized his close gestures were not out of affection, but rather he was guarding me, like I was his property.
We decided to get lunch at a little cafe. It was crowded and noisy but I guessed that was best, more distraction.
"It looks like there's a wait," Ethan predicted. "Anna and I are gonna head over there really quick and we'll meet you guys back here." He pointed to a surf shop across the street. It had jewelry hanging in the window and a necklace I knew Anna wanted. Kevin nodded vaguely and we turned to walk away. The wind swept through my hair and I shivered. Instinctively, Kevin wrapped his arm around my shoulders but again it wasn't out of affection, I could feel the tension in his arm, the need to protect what he thought was his.
"I'm, uh, gonna go with them," Tristan muttered. He turned and left without waiting for a response. Kevin said nothing. I said nothing, too, because I knew Kevin didn't want me to, he wanted it to be as if Tristan and I didn't know each other. I wanted to answer him, to be able to talk to him again, but I knew it was way to soon. I had to wait, maybe in a few months this would all be better. I had to hope.
For a split second I turned around. Tristan had turned to look at me, too. He was standing on the crosswalk. The sun was hidden behind the clouds, it was too dark and cold to be summer, I thought. The wind blew around me, blowing my hair into my face. I reached up and pushed it behind my ear and smiled. I probably shouldn't have, but I smiled. He kept looking at me for a few more seconds. I was waiting, selfishly wanting him to smile back yet knowing it'd be better if he didn't.
Neither of us saw the car coming around the corner until it was too late. And then I screamed.
~~~
Jenny Garcia had an air of efficiency. Her jet black hair was pulled into a tight bun to stay out of her way despite the fact that almost everyone she knew said it looked better down. On this particular afternoon however, Jenny had forgotten the key to her nephews tenth birthday party, the cake. So as it was, Jenny was rushing around the corner in the little shopping center in Newport because she had approximately ten minutes before her nephews friends finished their pizza. A strand of hair fell from her bun and she quickly swept it back behind her ear, annoyed and stressed and having no time for anything else. She was so focused on her goal, a marble cake with chocolate frosting and green writing, that she didn't notice the teenage boy standing in the middle of the street. There was a soft thud and the girl across the street screamed and Jenny Garcia slammed on the breaks.
Authors Note again: So for the above part, I know it totally switches POV, is that okay?
~~~
The bright fluorescent lights flickered and I decided vaguely that if I were ever to design a hospital I would make it a lot more lively and cheerful than this one. The walls and floor were harsh and white washed. They were clean, too clean really and unfriendly. It smelled artificially clean as if someone had scrubbed down the entire place with rubbing alcohol. The stringent smell burned my nostrils.
I was sitting in the cold plastic chair of the waiting room, my knees tucked under my chin as if I could curl up tight enough and disappear. Across the floor, the receptionist snapped her gum. She couldn't have been too much older than me, maybe interning or something. She kept staring at me and I wondered what she thought, what I looked like now.
The hospital was mostly quiet and it was dark outside even though it couldn't have been much later than five. People would be having dinner now, my stomach grumbled but I was in no mood to eat.
Just then the double doors slid open, revealing a fretful couple. I recognized them painfully, Tristan’s parents. His father requested his room and the receptionist flipped through the book we had signed in on hours earlier lazily. I wished she'd hurry up, I felt like I was going to cry again. She gave them the room number and they hurried down the hall, taking no notice of me. The waiting room fell silent again, the receptionist snapped her gum.
I can't tell you how much later it was that Kevin came down the hall, illuminated faintly by the fluorescent lights. He sat down next to me and I felt the receptionist staring at him but I didn't care. His eyes were red, he'd been crying, for some reason this knowledge made me hurt even more. I’d never seen him cry before. He stared at me and shook his head, My eyes blurred, the white walls folded in on themselves so that I could see nothing but white, I couldn’t breathe. This couldn’t be happening.
I think that you portrayed your characters emotions very well in this chapter. That is actually one of the things that you needed to improve on. I'm glad to see that you have improved on that. Like usual, your descriptions were lovely and very vivid. I was really happy to see that you were still showing, not telling us things through your descriptions. I'm also impressed to see that you used other senses as well as sight. When you described the smell of the hospital, for example. It's amazing how little differences like that can really bring a story to life. As for your grammar, it is slowly getting better. I did find some errors, but there was nothing too serious. Any errors that I did find, I corrected for you in my nit-picks. When it comes to your spelling, it was very good and I didn't find any misspelled words.