The Griffon

Exitement floods through me
As I watch the griffon.
Gathering speed as it dives down the tracks
Dropping ninety-five degrees below.
The anticipation of waiting
Makes you anxious to ride
And challange the mythical beast.

The beast itself is complicated.
With the head of an eagle;
The body of a lion
And a savage nature.
Throughout mythology it has looted and killed.
Dropping people from horrific heights.
The roller-coaster is similar,
But lacking feathers and fur.
It's not as dangerous as the creature.

Excitement and fear become one
As I ascend the steep incline
And round the bend that leaves me suspended.
I scream in pleasure as the coaster dives
Soaring even more than straight down.
Flying through what the park calls France
Sometimes even upside-down.
Water rushes up behind me
As the coaster passes the lake.

As soon as it's begun,
It's over it seems.
The ride is short, but thrilling.
I would ride it again if I could,
But there are other coasters to expore.
Apollo's Chariot; which takes you to the sun.
Alpengeist; which allows you to explore the Alps.
The Loch Ness Monster; which takes you into the murky depths of Loch Ness.
All have their thrills;
But the Griffon is the only dive coaster in the park.

This has some fixing up to do, for sure.

I feel like you should mention your metaphorical roller coaster before you say the griffon is diving down the 'tracks,' just to make things simpler.

When you say dropping ninety five degrees below, I think of the temperature. Even when I think about it some more, It doesn't make any sense to me what on Earth you are talking about.

I didn't find anything else major, but I have to say that this was a really confusing read. I couldn't understand a lot of it, and what I could understand was really awkward in it's rhythm and the way it fit into the poem.

i liked it pretty well i felt like i was on a roller coaster but my only problem was mentioned above at first i was picturing a forest person in the dark ages standing on a cliff, then it switched to a thyme park and i was like "SAY WHA??"

so you might mention the coaster before hand

nice "showing" though