Yearning

My lips ache
For a gentle kiss
To be placed upon my lips

I feel like
An arm needs
To snake around my waist

An imprint
Lies all over my body
Yearning for love

But its so hard
To get what you want
When no one wants you

Hey, FQ. This will just be a quick run-through for grammar and nit-picks, seeing as how this isn't really my type of poetry. Granted, it sounds more like Lyric Poetry than Dramatic. So, here I go:

My lips ache
for a gentle kiss
to be placed upon my lips.

I feel like
an arm needs
to snake around my waist.

An imprint
ties all over my body
yearning for love.

But its so hard
to get what you want
when no one wants you.

A very simple poem. Four sentences. But even though it's a simple poem, remember that grammar is important! Unless the grammatical neglect is completely intentional, please stick to basic rules. It also seems as though you think that every line of poetry must begin with a capital letter. That is not true, FQ!

So basically, that is all I have to say. Keep writing and let me know when the next gem comes out!

-Lumiface

Well you didn't give me much to work with here but I'll try at the simple basics. Try for a few commas and periods. Try not to make it choppy.

Forestqueen808 wrote:My lips ache for a gentle kiss,
To be placed upon my lips.

Try to make it to were the reader can understand it better. Rather than no punctuation at all. Good luck and keep writing.

-M.

hey,
i really liked your poem it's easy to relate to. i thought it was really thoughtful and sweet. If you need me to review
any more of your work, let me know.

Hello, Forest! Loveless here to give this poem of yours a review.

My lips ache
For a gentle kiss
To be placed upon my lips

Repetition of 'lips' in this piece.

An imprint
Lies all over my body
Yearning for love

This makes absolutely no sense...to me anyway? An imprint lies over her body, she can only have an imprint if someone is there pressing against her, or if someone just let go and their imprint lingers for a moment.


You have no punctuation and the second, third, fifth, sixth, eight, ninth, eleventh, and twelfth stanza needs to be lower cased. That's about it really.

Loveless~