The Call Unanswerd

She hides her petty face,
and covers up the pain.
Her straightened curls disguise,
The hurt she feels inside.

She smiles to her friends,
and laughs at all his jokes.
But inside the tears are building.
They never see the light.
They’re never let go.

She begs them all for help.
Her hints are subtle,
they impact slowly.
Her signals go unseen.
The hurt must go unnoticed.

She relies on the dream,
that tomorrow they will see.

She tries to make them listen.
Her pain is written in stanzas.
She puts it into plots.
But will they ever realize,
these poems have a meaning?

Will they notice their purpose?
Will they decode the hidden message,
that’s written in plain view?
Will they hear the cry for help,
before she is silenced?

Hi there screamandshout. Don't think we've met.

Ok, so this poem is about a girl hiding her pain. You made a pretty good stab at evoking a real feeling of empathy from me, but it sort of fell short from me truly understanding her situation. Why? It could be that I'm totally heartless, or that there is a lack of dramatic methods in this piece.

By these I mean that instead of stating things, like you do- it might be a suggestion to add more metaphors, symbols and motifs to represent her pain and fear.

The first stanza could be developed more if you employ these techniques into the introduction. Where does she hide her pretty face? How big, how deep and how strong is the hurt she feels inside? We've all felt pain, but what does it actually [i]feel[i] like? Take your own life experiences and try to look past using commonly chosen words and phrases to make your poetry more unique to you. Because everybody is different.

The building of pace is done very well in this though, and the rhythm scheme is also used well to convey the theme of hidden troubles. So I liked that. Especially these lines:

Her signals go unseen.
The hurt must go unnoticed.

It has to be said though- full stops are overused in this poem. It's a very useful dramatic method to use, but when they're placed so frequently through a piece it becomes more like a morse code message than a poem. Use more commons, let it flow a bit better. The impact is watered down somehow and it distracts from the message. The same can be said with rhetorical questions. One or two maybe at the end, but no more in my opinion. The reader doesn't want a full out interrogation.

The climax is quite sinster, it seems to suggest that the speaker is running out of time. This was well done, although it did drag on a little. Kill your darlings, is a popluar saying- it basically means if you over indulgue your writing, i.e. take a concept and flog it to death, it won't work as well. Perhaps I should explain this better. Less is most definately more.

To conclude, I think this poem has some real potential. Just work on making it a little less like a list of ideas and let it flow a little better, and you'll find it's more pleasing to the eye and easier for the reader to understand and consider.

Peace!

She hides her petty face, I'm confused as to if you meant pretty or was it supposed to be petty?
and covers up the pain.
Her straightened curls disguise, The term "straightened curls" just seems like something you threw in there so you could get a certain amount of syllables. Straightened curls is just straight hair. Sorry, that just confused me.
the hurt she feels inside.

She smiles to her friends,
and laughs at all his jokes. You say his jokes, but, in the stanza before that, you say friends, as in more than one. Just change the 'him' to 'their'.
But inside the tears are building.
They never see the light.
They’re never let go. They're never let go makes absolutely no sense at all. Actually, these last two stanzas don't really fit well anyway.

She begs them all for help.
Her hints are subtle,
they impact slowly.
Her signals go unseen.
The hurt must go unnoticed. I just don't like this piece in general. It just seems to be thrown in there and does not fit well. The stanzas seem to be random and there is really no type of rhythm to them.

She relies on the dream,
that tomorrow they will see.
She tries to make them listen.
Her pain is written in stanzas.
She puts it into plots.
But will they ever realize,
these poems have a meaning? The rhythm in this piece is choppy.

Will they notice their purpose?
Will they decode the hidden message,
that’s written in plain view?
Will they hear the cry for help,
before she is silenced?

You must forgive me, I am not the best at reviewing poems. I tried my best, though. There really wasn't much of a rhythm after the sixth stanza. Some parts just seemed random and need to be erased completely, or at least polished a bit. Hope this helped at least a little.

Loveless~