Wiping Away My Tears

It's cold outside and warm in here
But I don't deserve the warmth
Wiping away my tears of fury
I run from the place I'd been born

My decisions haunt me every day
And every passing hour
Wiping away my tears of hatred
I decide to stand in the snow shower

The snow helps calm me down as always
But how can I be calm
Wiping away my tears of uncertainty
I pick up some snow in my palm

I try to lose myself in the cold
And think of nothing else
Wiping away my tears without feelings
I notice the presence of one not myself

The source of my agony is behind me
He comes to stand by my side
Wiping away my tears of joy
He forgives me! I regain my life

I loved him once and will again
For the rest of all my years
He held me close, raised a hand
Wiping away my tears

A bit meloncholy at the start, but I really liked how this poem ended up. At first it sounded like the poem was about the usual teenage angst, but then realising at the end it was about the actual act of wiping away the tears was quite nice.

On the critical side, the half formed rhyme scheme doesn't really work. For example, the like with the snow shower seems incredibly forced, since it breaks the rhythm to fit the words in. It would be better to take away the word 'shower.'

Every poem has to have a rhyme scheme that is consistent. Having no rhymes at all, is still a consistent rhyme scheme. When some verses have rhymes and some don't it gives the impression that they've been put there for convenience rather than being thought out.

"He held me close, raised a hand / Wiping away my tears," these two lines are grammatically incorrect. It should be either;
a) He held me close *and* raised a hand, wiping away my tears - which shows that the action of wiping is linked to raising his hand.
or b) He held me close, raised a hand / and wiped away my tears - which converts that last part into past tense.

Keep it up

Miriam,
Great job. I really loved the poem and not because you are my best friend. It's because you are a really good poet and I hope to see and buy al of your poetry books. Have fun.

~Dezzy

I thought it was cool. It is kind of like "The Bells" by Edgar Allan Poe. Even though I didn't understand for you the reasons why you were crying of joy, feelings, ect.

Hey MHolly,

This is a bit overwrought and emo at the moment. What I did pick up on is your use of snow imagery, which I think could be exploited into something more thematic and cool. After all, snow has been used as a metaphor for death poets regularly (I think Browning most famously). Hence, I think if you made more references to the snow, and the cold, and dropped the more overused phrases like "the source of my agony" and the regular references to loving (too much repetition) you'd have much stronger poem overall. Metaphors are inevitably stronger than repetition, or melancholic lines.