Samsara

3 posts
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Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 205
Samsara

Senator Sky,
A letter arrives, informing you that there is hurt.
Trembling through the mail systems, arrives
a tear-stained letterized cry.
Dabbed with blood, insurance that it’s real.
Petitioning your career to, for your soul,
stop.

The taxi’s windshield is pelted by sleet.
but dinner is still boiled lobster.
Marble pillars stand, silently erect,
seeing all.
Hear
and feel
the wavelength of fear;
Rape.
Blood.

A trumpet blows, horn sings of glory,
and the civil war vets stand
celebrating world-war-ones-to-come,
decorated in full attire and staring into the sky,
a blue and silent and empty sky,
interrupted by a flag
that stands for power.
Rape.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 23425
Reviews 566
I didn't get it, but it was written well enough for me to like it anyway. Apart from that, I can't really comment. Strong piece.
Matt.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 189
Reviews 333
Hey,

This is a very strange piece, which means I loved it.

The taxi’s windshield is pelted by sleet.
but dinner is still boiled lobster.
Marble pillars stand, silently erect,
seeing all.
Hear
and feel
the wavelength of fear;
Rape.
Blood.


I think this is the strongest stanza, and I think your weakest is your last. Your last stanza seems to have lest humph than the rest of your piece and the emotions seem to die a little bit.

Your flow is nice, but it is still staggered in places which should be looked at.

PM for anything.

~Retro Disco666
'I have loved to the point of madness, which for me is the only true way to love'
~Francoise Sagan



If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.
— Oscar Wilde