Artistic License, chapter two

Starting to query so AL is down.

I like the descriptions that you use, in both this chapter and the last. And it's not everyday that you see a story about a gay romance, so that's good.

Stella here!

I. NITPICKS

It often led to explosions. I went to the cafeteria instead of investing in my own food because of them.

I think this is a weird place to start a new paragraph.

“Why can’t you just ask her?” I said. “It’s one thing, and there will be multiple witnesses if she tries to do anything.”

Mortal evil enemy followed by her? Doesn't she deserve a name?

Not that this fact frightened me or anything. I’ve seen people be way more obsessive over their tools of the trade than talking to it. Yeah it’s just kind of weird all around. But you get used to it.

You just completely changed register here.

Alright.

II. PLOT PROGRESSION

Yeah, I'm a big one for this. I don't know if I mentioned in your last chapter, but look at it like this: I'm two chapters in and have no idea where your story is going. It's banter and fluff- good banter and fluff- but there's not a whole bunch of content. In this chapter, there's very little conflict to speak of, which is a definite negative. Remember to try and give a point to everything you're writing, and conflict conflict conflict. Try and move the plot forward whenever you can, don't just stop to admire the scenery.

III. OVERALL

Not bad.

Hope I helped, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella x