Free

You would think, for me to be here right now, I'd have to be dreaming... cause that's what I thought. Being in this very spot, his hands in mine, wind blowing, made me loose it. I never thought of him this way until now. Until the words that pierce out of his mouth, coming out like warm roses. "I love you," he said.

I didn't know what to make of it. He was my best friend. My longest frined. The friend who never let me down. The friend who would protect me, no matter what the stakes, no matter how high he had to climb. The friend who beat up Kendell Johnson because he took my popsicle in kindergarden. He was all I thought about all through 7th grade. All I can ever really love... "I love you too," I said, barely a whisper, following the wind.

His smile was bright, like the sun. His blue eyes sparkled like the stars and everything above. It felt like a weight, I've had so long left my chest. My heart was finally free. I couldn't see anyone that wasn't him. Anything that he didn't already posess.

His lips came crashing onto mine, in a passionate kiss. I couldn't speak, couldn't react. But I found myself kissing back somehow. It was because my heart was speaking, instead of my head for once in my life. I let my heart go, pouring inself into the kiss. The kiss that I've dreamed about for so long. Everything lit up. Now I know why people close their eyes when they kiss. The light was too bright. The passion too strong. The will too free. I found myself wrapped up in his arms. I never want to leave these arms again. I felt protected, safe. For once in my life... I was free.

Hey Audrey, Gsp here! I'll be your reviewer today.

For the warning I put in every review I do; I tend to tear stories to shreds. I'm not responsible if I reduce you to tears or anything like that.

With that said, on to the actual review!

You would think, for me to be here right now, I'd have to be dreaming... cause that's what I thought. Being in this very spot, his hands in mine, wind blowing, made me loose it. I never thought of him this way until now. Until the words that pierce out of his mouth, coming out like warm roses. "I love you," he said.

Wonderful description here! I would advise telling us a little more though. What does he look like? Also, a couple typos and things I'd change... I'll put what I would say underneath.

You would think, for me to be here right now, I'd have to be dreaming... At least, that's what I thought. Being in this very spot, his hands in mine, wind blowing, made me lose it. I never thought of him this way until now. Until the words that pierced out of his mouth, coming like warm roses. "I love you," he said.

I didn't know what to make of it. He was my best friend. My longest frined. The friend who never let me down. The friend who would protect me, no matter what the stakes, no matter how high he had to climb. The friend who beat up Kendell Johnson because he took my popsicle in kindergarden. He was all I thought about all through 7th grade. All I can ever really love... "I love you too," I said, barely a whisper, following the wind.

I love the little flashbacks here. One thing I did notice is that you kinda bounced between past and present tense after this part.

I didn't know what to make of it. He was my best friend. My longest friend. The friend who never let me down. The friend who would protect me, no matter what the stakes, no matter how high he had to climb. The friend who beat up Kendell Johnson because he took my popsicle in kindergarten. He was all I thought about all through 7th grade. All I could ever really love... "I love you too," I said, voice barely a whisper, following the wind.

His smile was bright, like the sun. His blue eyes sparkled like the stars and everything above. It felt like a weight, I've had so long left my chest. My heart was finally free. I couldn't see anyone that wasn't him. Anything that he didn't already posess.

Again, love the descriptions. But you're still bouncing between past and present tense. Also, one misspell here.

His smile was bright, like the sun. His blue eyes sparkled like the stars and everything above. It felt like a weight that I'd had in my chest for so long had disappeared. My heart was finally free. I couldn't see anyone that wasn't him. Anything that he didn't already posses.

His lips came crashing onto mine, in a passionate kiss. I couldn't speak, couldn't react. But I found myself kissing back somehow. It was because my heart was speaking, instead of my head for once in my life. I let my heart go, pouring inself into the kiss. The kiss that I've dreamed about for so long. Everything lit up. Now I know why people close their eyes when they kiss. The light was too bright. The passion too strong. The will too free. I found myself wrapped up in his arms. I never want to leave these arms again. I felt protected, safe. For once in my life... I was free.

Man... I have no words. Again, beautiful descriptions. Only a few things.

His lips came crashing onto mine, in a passionate kiss. I couldn't speak, couldn't react. But I somehow found myself kissing back. It was because for once in my life my heart was speaking, instead of my head. I let my heart go, pouring itself into the kiss. The kiss that I'd dreamed about for so long. Everything lit up. Now I know why people close their eyes when they kiss. The light was too bright. The passion too strong. The will too free. I found myself wrapped up in his arms. I never wanted to leave these arms again. I felt protected, safe. For once in my life... I was free.

And that's the end of my review! All-in-all, I loved it!

Happy YWSing!

~Gsp

Hey there, I LOVE this story. It was really cute and the way you told it did switch between tenses but it was very good. Your descriptions were beautiful, especially the last one. You made me see it in my mind as you told it. There's only one correction that I have:

AudreyHearts wrote:You would think, for me to be here right now, I'd have to be dreaming... cause that's what I thought. Being in this very spot, his hands in mine, wind blowing, made me loose it.

Loose should be lose.
That's all I have to correct and I really enjoyed your story, keep writing and feel free to PM me!

-xangeleighfshox

Review is in BOLD, comments are in italics!

You would think, for me to be here right now, I'd have to be dreaming... cause that's what I thought. Being in this very spot, his hands in mine, wind blowing, made me loose it. I never thought of him this way until now. Until the words that pierce out of his mouth, coming out like warm roses. Where did you learn to write like that? That is so beautiful! "I love you," he said.

I didn't know what to make of it. He was my best friend. My longest frined. The friend who never let me down. Love the description of the friend. It's like he's her best friend and she falls in love but it's more than that because he's not only her best friend he's like her most loyal, valuable, caring, kind friend. The friend who would protect me, no matter what the stakes, no matter how high he had to climb. The friend who beat up Kendell Johnson because he took my popsicle in kindergarden. loved that sentence! He was all I thought about all through 7th grade. All I can ever really love... "I love you too," I said, barely a whisper, following the wind.uh, this is like great description!

His smile was bright, like the sun. His blue eyes sparkled like the stars and everything above. It felt like a weight, I've had so long left my chest. My heart was finally free. I couldn't see anyone that wasn't him. Anything that he didn't already posess. Brilliantly described!

His lips came crashing onto mine, in a passionate kiss. I couldn't speak, couldn't react. But I found myself kissing back somehow. It was because my heart was speaking, instead of my head for once in my life. I let my heart go, pouring inself into the kiss. The kiss that I've dreamed about for so long. Everything lit up. Now I know why people close their eyes when they kiss. The light was too bright. The passion too strong. The will too free. I found myself wrapped up in his arms. I never want to leave these arms again. I felt protected, safe. For once in my life... I was free. My all time fav paragraph! Best descrips, besst everything!
Overall, I loved this shortstory! It was short and sweet and to the point with BEAUTIFUL descriptions. In a few simple paragraphs, you tell me a lot about the characters! It was soo great!

A cute, heart-warming short story.

Plot: 9/10
It was a very short story, but I understood the story well enough to enjoy such shortness! I like how the story's climax was the description of the kiss -- I thought it was very descriptive and emotional. I would suggest that the story be expanded just slightly, maybe one paragraph or two, but hey it's already great as it is.
Character: 8/10
The speaker and the boyfriend was fleshed out quite well in such a short story. Like I have mentioned before, if the story was expanded a bit, you could have added in more of the speaker's personality.
Grammar, punctuation: 9/10
I didn't spot any grammatical errors, except for the "loose" in the beginning. This should be "lose". Other than that, there was some words I would have changed to make this short story even more exceptional.
Theme: 8/10
The story was very cute, I have to say. The feelings of friendship transforming into love was told in such a way that even the length of the story didn't hinder its meaning. Once again, the story could have been slightly longer to emphasize on these emotions.

Total: 34/40
Average: 8.5/10