Princesses and Soldiers

v.1 Lost in childhood, innocent words,
holding close memories that start to disturb.
Wearing through years, silently sober,
she was a princess, I was a soldier.
Immortal in youth, together we stood,
passed down in words, passed down through blood.
We'd spend countless hours, embraced in lost days,
too young to remember this place where we stay.
ch. Today is a monument that holds fire to your heart,
back in the place where your life starts,
though gone from your life, you remember her,
she was a princess, you were a soldier.
v.2 Candle lit rooms, where we would lie,
now they light pictures to remember your life.
Lipstick stains forgotten, on clothes on the floor,
perfume between sheets which used to hold more.
B.D Misted windows and shattered glass,
locked in the room where you breathed your last,
walls closing in, mind almost over,
she was a princess, I was a soldier.
ch. Today is a monument that holds fire to your heart,
back in the place where your life starts,
though gone from your life, you remember her,
she was a princess, you were a soldier.
bridge. This ceilings falling on my head,
this world is over, now you're dead.
We were both children, yet both lovers,
out of all of the princesses, and all of the soldiers.
end. Girls become princesses, boys become soldiers,
boys grow stronger to prove they can hold her.
Sundays are pictures, laced in tears,
son, grow strong, to fight princesses fears.
Out of all the princesses, and all the soldiers,
it all ends in tears, over and over.

Hey ethanswish!
You have a pretty cool piece of work here. In my opinion, the mood of the story seemed a little sad, almost somber. I liked how this piece captured emotion in the words. Overall, the song flowed nicely, and it was a smooth read. The only thing I saw that kinda bugged me was the comma placement in this sentence:

"Lipstick stains forgotten, on clothes on the floor..."

I'm no literary genius or anything, so I could be wrong, but do you even need a comma there?

Anyway, great song. All you need is some arpeggiated bar chords with an F# minor thrown in, and some grundgy power chords in the chorus, and you might have yourself a hit!

StacyBaghdad wrote:Hey ethanswish!
You have a pretty cool piece of work here. In my opinion, the mood of the story seemed a little sad, almost somber. I liked how this piece captured emotion in the words. Overall, the song flowed nicely, and it was a smooth read. :

i agree completly!
i liked it!

I liked this very very much. Your words were meaningful and deep. The only thing that bothered me was that this would be hard to sing, most likely - there are a lot of words that if said hastily could mean other things entirely. Monument, for example - it could sound like mourning if blurred only slightly. But that's all. I thought it was beautiful. Great job. If you ever want something reviewed,please don't hesitate to PM me.
I really did like this. It had a story behind it, and you did a good job of telling it.
Ofir

I love the "Sundays are pictures". Not very good at critiquing lyrics, but you seem to have a really interesting piece here.

wow this is absolutely beautiful i epically loved the last verse!!

great job!! seriously keep it up.