Fantasy Love

I deleted it. Better this way...

If you have a novel to post, there's a whole "Romantic Novels" forum where you can do so. As a heads up, as well, this is pretty long for one reviewer to cover. You'd get more reviews if you split it, I think.

Anyway, I'll review your prologue first and then move on to Chapter 1. Click the spoiler for nitpicks, because you may not need them.

Nitpicks

Spoiler

A distant memory filled me as I dreamed, I was young probably four or five.

This is a comma splice; you should use a full stop instead, and then there should be a comma after "young" to break up the second sentence.

A huge emptiness came to me as I watched him leave, his sad expression mirrored mine.

Change "mirrored" to "mirroring", else this is another comma splice.

Some say you don’t know that you lose something until you actually miss it, but somehow this dreamlike memory told me that I already did.

I don't really understand what you mean by this sentence. It doesn't quite make sense.

General
This is very, very short. It's basically just a paragraph, which makes me think that you don't need it. This doesn't give us any background information or a hook; it's a little bit of rambling from an MC who we can't identify or empathise with. I'd cut it, because there's nothing this little bit of text is going to tell us that a whole Chapter 1 can't.

I was going to do nitpicks for Chapter 1 too, but you'll benefit more from a general review.

Chapter 1, Part 1 Review

There hasn't really been very much established yet, but I'm already not very fond of your main character, especially during that long paragraph where you describe her. She seems selfish, stuck-up and generally full of herself; the swearing at times doesn't help overcome that impression, either. There's not much to relate to when your MC doesn't seem to think she has any kind of flaw and plays around with other people's emotions just because she can. Her treatment of Bobby is awful. Try to give us a better impression of your main character; describe insecurities and actual flaws rather than using the word "flawless". Nobody likes a perfect character, because we can't relate to her.

Plot-wise, I'm very confused. You should break up those big bulky paragraphs, because they're difficult to read as it is, but I'm struggling to understand the reference to vampires and witches. What exactly is your main character? She has powers and yet you mentioned vampirism and now I'm wholly confused as to her race. I would work on getting the basics across, rather than overcomplicating it and throwing us in at the deep end.

EDIT: Having read the next part, I understand why her narrative is all over the place; however, understanding why you've done it doesn't make it all right. I think it's still confusing for the reader.

Your sentences don't tend to help me here. They're very choppy and don't always make sense. If you have the time, read this aloud, either to yourself or to a family member or friend. It doesn't matter, as long as you spend the time reading each sentence, because you'll know if they don't make grammatical sense when you hear them spoken aloud. There are a lot of typos as well, particularly relating to lilac/Lila, and ideally before you post something on YWS you should have cleared your work of those kind of mistakes. You should also italicise the thoughts Lila has while communicating with the cat, in keeping with the usual formatting of stories.

Your punctuation and grammar can go all over the place. I'd refer you to this article on dialogue punctuation for that, and this article on beginnings for your writing in general.

As a summary, I think you need to proof-read more carefully and work out what exactly it is that you're aiming to get out of this part of the work. It serves the generic opening purpose, and as this is the first glimpse I get of your character, you need me to like her at least before I progress. At the moment, I have to say I don't.

Chapter 1, Part 2 Review

This is much better.

Anthony doesn't start off well, I admit, because you go down the same route as you did with Lila. It's not a good idea, describing how perfect your characters are. However, he shows some genuine emotion later on and actually appears like a relatable person, which is more than can be said for Lila. Carrie, on the other hand, is a bit generic. I'd like to see some more development for her.

The blocky paragraphs are even worse and it's an effort to get through them. Your sentences are still too choppy and short, and sometimes the grammar is completely off. You need to carefully read through this section as well, and see where you need to have full stops, where you pause, etc. The emotion in Anthony's outburst is marred by the lack of commas and run-on sentences with comma splices.

The plot develops more and I understand it slightly better, but your grammar hinders any kind of enjoyment in reading this. I think you have a good idea with Lila and her memories, though I'm still unclear as to what actually happened. Don't go down the Twilight road and start imitating Edward through Anthony; it's better if you can create a more unique situation. Though I like Anthony here, he does seem to be living in a very similar manner to the Cullens from what I know of Twilight. Your work should be your work; don't rely on other, established characters to prop your new ones up.

Overall

For you, it's mainly about grammar here, and proof-reading. I hope you find the articles I've provided a little helpful. If you're still struggling, I suggest you go back to some basic exercises - short pieces involving your characters, perhaps - to test your grasp of sentence structures and grammar points. As it is, I found this difficult to get through, which is sad because you've clearly got a story you want to tell.

Good luck with editing and continuing your project.

- Jet.

I guess posting this was a bad idea. I should've finished it. Well, the problem is that this girl is a half vampire, she lost both her parents and feels alone in the worl. She hates attention and has lost the only friend she had. I didn't want her to be snobby or anything , and the grammar I'll fix it.

Of course posting it wasn't a bad idea! The whole reason we post work is so we can get better. I've posted work here too as a newbie; everybody has, and that's why the system works. Thanks for clearing up those things for me - you obviously know what's going on, so now all you have to do is get that across in your writing. As for finishing it, it doesn't matter. Many people post parts of their work at a time to make it easier for reviewers.

When I review harshly, I'm not intending to discourage you - far from it. I know criticism has that effect when you're not used to it, and believe me, I've been in the situation where I couldn't even understand it. The beauty about the Internet is that you can walk away. You don't have to face me and reply straight off; I've been in that situation too, and it's worse. All you have to remember is that everyone is trying to help you write to the best of your ability. If you never get told about it, you'll never be able to improve.

Anyway, if it's raw, walk away from the review and don't come back to this part of the story for a bit. Write something new, and then when you feel ready to edit, come back. You might be better off for it.

- Jet.