First of all, I want to say, if you haven't been writing poetry before, don't expect masterpieces. It took me forever to be even remotely okay with the poetry I made. Second- for a first attempt, I think this was quite decent. However, I would try to make it more poetic. This is prose in a poem structure. Don't state facts in a bland manner, but create a rhythm, a flow. Be creative with it. Don't be stiff, let loose, just write thoughts as they come. I noticed that you did this a bit in "Hairspray", but I would encourage you to do it even more.
Hello Attolia! Yes, this did make me laugh, but I wasn't laughing at you! lol, I thought this was cute, so much poetry is depressing and intense, but this was just like a breath of air. It's light poetry and I like that. My favorite was probably hairspray, I like that you just let your mind wander and said whatever you wanted.
hairspray reminds me of nail polish for some odd reason maybe because they’re both on my counter hairspray and nail polish both have a smell as does marijuana
^that was the best lmao.
With these two poems, it kind of pokes fun at poetry, but in a good way. -SodapopLunchbox
I hope you like the stars I stole for you, One hundred million twinkle lights in neon blue. I'll be the brightest, You'll see!
I thought this was a neat little quirky kind of poem. It's nice to see something that's not the same old serious dark stuff or whatever. I think you could have a worked a little bit more on word choice. Some of them just seem kind of boring dull. I do like the way it flows though, without having any particular structure (I pretty much do the same thing with all my poetry).
"Believe nothing, no matter where you've read it or who has said it, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." -Buddha
