Immortality

delete

Whoa the rhyming was ways off. It could have been very good if it hadn't been for that because you actually used imagery. The worse rhyming combination was "totality" and "immortality" because it sounds almost just alike. Unless you're trying to prove a point with the pathetic rhyming, I would not suggest http://rhymezone.com this time. I'd bet if you changed all the rhyming this would be a much better poem.

I didn't even notice the rhyming, to be honest. It didn't bother me at all....

I love Anne Rice, and Lestat is a beast, he's cool.

Vampires in general are my thing lol...

In anycase, great work, there's not much that I would change, unless you want the rhyming to be a bigger part of it, in which case listen to Chevy.

I liked it and I had a good idea of what was going on (I usually don't get poems at all). But yeah, the rhyming was sort of corny. Maybe you could change some of that around.

Oh, wow! No one likes the rhyming? Damn.

Ok, Chevy: if you thought it was pathetic because of the rhyming and I should change that to make it a better poem, you got another thing coming. I already mentioned I wasn't going to change it, mainly because I think changing it at this point after having written so long ago would screw it up and it's not like I'm loking to have this published. I'm sorry you didn't like it Chevy, I was not trying to prove a point with my "pathetic rhyming" and I do not need you to tell me about Rhyme Zone since I (shockingly) have already heard of it and used it. That's ok you didn't like my poem. I can't force you to like something you obviously don't like. I understand you thought it was contructive criticism, but the "Pathetic" part sort of threw me off.

Branden, yeah I agree: the rhyming was a bit corny, but it's not like I'm going to try to get this published, so I don't really worry about it.

Hunter, vampires are sort of my thing too, but my mother thinks I'm satanic for liking it, so I've just cut down on it. She actually took away my Anne Rice books and I haven't had a chance to even finish reading the second book. I do know however, from what I've read, the movies don't do it justice.

I appreciate your comments however, all of you! =)

Just wondering, if you didn't want comments on this, why did you post it?

As for the actual poem. Like, Hunter, I didn't notice the rhyming at all. And Lestat is awesome. I liked it.

I think changing it at this point after having written so long ago would screw it up

I know this feeling- I was this way when my friends suggested I turn my beloved poem into a rhyming one. I was hesitant, because I usually don't care for rhyming. But it turned out much better.

I saved the original file just in case it was a flop, but it didn't hurt to try.


Now, on to your poem. I like the idea, though the rhyming (sorry, yeah, this again) was a bit simple in places. Oh, there's a word for this, but I don't recall what it is. It doesn't necessarily make it bad, or that these types of rhymes shouldn't occur. And I'm probably making no sense. But the simplicity, the direct rhymes, just didn't seem to fit with the piece.

But it definately has potential.

Just remember, even if we don't plan on publishing a poem, I think the goal is to get our work to be the best it can be. It's about learning and growing.

It's not that I didn't want commentary, in fact i'm pleased people actually took the time to view it, but it does annoy me when people have nothing but negative things to say about my writings, especially on everything I write. So I got a little fed up with Chevy, since all her commentary on a couple things I've written has been negative. But believe me, I do appreciate everyone's comments. The ones I don't like I'll even take into consideration, because as a writer I have to try to be flexible.

Thanks again! =)

Chevy wrote:Whoa the rhyming was ways off. It could have been very good if it hadn't been for that because you actually used imagery. The worse rhyming combination was "totality" and "immortality" because it sounds almost just alike. Unless you're trying to prove a point with the pathetic rhyming, I would not suggest http://rhymezone.com this time. I'd bet if you changed all the rhyming this would be a much better poem.

I believe the point of rhyming is to sound the same, Chevy.

i did notice the rhyming and i like it . loved the third stanza.

Thank you so much! (The third stanza is my favourite... why? I have no clue....)