Awkward Phone Conversations

I have a friend who needs constant feedback/reassurance/social time. It's almost copious amounts, like a social crackhead. However, he's horribly silent on the phone. It makes it very awkward. He called me tonight, and this is how it pretty much went...

Friend: Hi.
Me: Hey!
Friend: ...
Me: ......So, what's up?
Friend: Nothin'.
Me: All ... right ...
Friend: ....
Me: Is there something wrong?
Friend: Nope. Had a pretty productive day.
Me: Good!
Friend: ....
Me: Well, ah, I'm gonna go now. See you.
Friend: Okay, bye.

And I hung up. Granted, I'm not much of a phone talker myself but why would you call someone and then not talk or say why you called? Lol.

I wanna hear about more awkward phone convos or even awkward moments in general.

Oh no! I hate conversations like that!

Once, a good friend of mine called me at 2:00 a.m. for what appeared to be no particular reason. When I answered the phone, I was sure he was calling me from a jail cell, or the bottom of a ditch, or hiding in a closet from some crazed maniac who was getting ready to beat him to death.

Me: Nguhhhhello?
Friend: [Shep]! Guess what?
Me: No.
Friend: What?
Me: No I'm not guessing.
Friend: ...
Me: Sorry. What's up?
Friend: I pierced my eyebrow!
Me: Mm.
Friend: ...
Me: No, I mean that's really cool. Great. Awesome.
Friend: OK.
(mutual silence)
Friend: G'night.
Me: Yep.

I suck at talking on the phone. Especially when I would rather be sleeping.

Oh man! One time I had to call my friend at 2 in the morning because she thought her house was on fire, and I wanted to make sure everything was alright, but sadly, my friend didn't answer...her mom did:

Her: H-hello?
Me: Hi, its [Irish]
Her: W-who?
Me:Uh...[Irish]
Her: O-...oh hi...
Me: Is uhh...is M. there?
Her: Who?
Me:...M?
Her: M who?
Me: O_o M. L.
Her: Oh...no she's asleep...
Me: Oh...well she uhh she thought that your house was on fire...
Her: She...what?
Me: She thought the house was on fire
Her: Oh...its not
Me: Oh alright!
Her: Thanks for calling...
Me: Good night
Her: Night...

I suck at talking on the phone too xD

I absolutely hate talking on the Phone and always try to get out of it. Some excuses I've used:

I need to go make a scavenger hunt.

My cat is crying.

I need to go to sleep (it's 2 in the afternoon)

I need to pee.

There's a pizza delivery guy at the door (at 8 in the morning)

There's some really annoying ducks outside. I can't take it any more.

Oh man, all of these are pretty good! Why are phone conversations so weird? A paradox, it is...

LOL, a scavenger hunt? That's a good one. Or you could be like "OH NO, I GOTTA GO!" and just hang up the phone. Haha!

Once my friend wouldn't get that I wasn't in a good mood and didn't feel like talking, here's the convo:

Her: Hey!
Me: Hi
Her: OMG. I'm sooooo bored! What's up!?

Me: Nothing much, I've got a huge headach-

Her: GREAT! Well, guess what?

Me: What?

Her: I'm not telling you!
Me: Why?
Her: Cus' you have to beg!
Me: What. Why would I beg? I have a huge headache and I don't even want to ta-
Her: Fine! I'll tell you! I lost TWO pounds today! Two whole pounds!
Me: Rather than two half pounds?
Her: What? That makes no sense.
Me: It was a joke.
Her: Well, it wasn't funny. Anyway, I gotta go. See you tomorrow! BYE!
He: *hangs up*
Me: You honestly called me, wasted 10 minutes of my life, to tell me that I'm not funny and that you lost two non-existent pounds. -sigh- I need Advil. I also need to stop talking to myself.

It was ridiculous. This was with a really boring friend of mine:

Her: Hey
Me: *realizing it was her, probably the most boring person alive.* *In high-pitched voice* Er, *Jasmine's* not here right now. Do you want to call back.
Her: *In monotone* *Jasmine* I know it's you
Me: *In high pitched voice* Nope, this is her mom. Do you want to leave a message?
Her: *Jasmine* just stop.
Me: HAHHA. You fell for it.
Her: No. I did not.
Me: Haha, you have to admit for a second there you believed it.
Her: Nope. I did not.
Me: Oh
*Awkward silence*
Me: So, what's up?
Her: Nothing
Me: Cool.
*Awkward silence*
Me: Do you still ike *blank*?
Her: I never did.
Me: Yeah, don't lie! You so liked him
Her: Nope. I didn't.
Me: Suuure
Her: I didn't like him ever.
*Awkward silence*
Me: Well, this was fun but I've got to go wash my wall
Her: Okay.
Me: Yup
Her: Bye
Me: Bye
*hang up*

THAT WAS SO BORING. SHE ALWAYS CALLS ME. My excuses usually are:

My mom is making me get off the phone.

Oh, I forgot about the lasagna, gotta go.

I have to go clean my grandma's feet.

Time to go jump off a building, bye!

*Crinkles jolly rancher wrapper* WHAT?!?! *crinkles* I CAN"T HEAR YOU!!!! *crinkles then hangs up*

YOU ARE BORING. GOOD-BYE. DO NOT CALL THIS NUMBER AGAIN.
(I'm not mean, she doesn't get offended by anything and thinks I'm just joking. I normally am, but she's SO BORING.

Ooooh, I just thought of another convo I had with her once:

Her: Hey
Me: *realizing it was her, stupid caller ID doesn't work* HOLA?!
Her: Um. *Jasmine?*
Me: LA COOCARACHA! LA COOCARACHA!! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!
Her: I have the wrong number.
Me: AMIGA! SALSA! MEXICA! RAMBA! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!
Her: Bye. *hangs up*
Me: -sigh- *wipes sweat off brow*

I wrote so many all ready but here's a prank call me and my friends did once. It was on speakerphone We totally bootlegged Mean Girls:

Some random old lady from Yellowpages: *in REALLY funny old lady voice* Hello?
Me: *with friends giggling in the backround: Hello. This is Tammy from Planned Pregnancy on Fifth Ave. We are calling with you're grand-daughter's results. Is she there?
SROLFY: Wait, what? I don't have a grand-daughter
Me: All right. I understand that she is not there. Please tell her that it is urgent that she call us back.
SROLFY: I don't understand, I don't have a gran-
Me: *interrupting* Here is Olga, please write down all she tells you
SROLFY: Bu-
Friend pretending to be "Olga": *In some weird accent that I didn't recognize* Makes sure ze girl does not eat ze pickles, ze grapes, ze beans, ze tomatoes or ze Clorox.
SROFLY: What is this? Who are you?
FPTBO: I am ze Olga. I am ze pregnancy lady. You writing zis down?
SROFLY: Who are you?!
*hangs up then we all burst into laughter*

It was way funnier in person. -sigh- I wish you all could have been there. The old ladies voice was so cliche grandma crinkly old lady voice, we hung up the first time we called her because it was just so funny xD We called her again from my phone pretending to be her grandaughter and her reaction was even funnier. Well, I guess I have bothered you with this abnormally long post enough. Adios, amigos!

xDD Thats awesome! The guys on my Washington bus did something like that, they thought they had the phone number of this girl, but they weren't sure and this is how it went:

Guys: *in a girl voice*: Heeeeeeeeeeeey!
Other line: ...
Austin(my ex.): Uhh this is Jew Fro, is this Random Zoo Girl?
Other line: ...
Adian(Friend): AND I SAY A MONKEY CAN MOW MY LAWN BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW
Other line: *giggle*

Then, they hung up and then they tried calling again:

Austin: Is this Zoo Girl?"
Man: WHOS CALLING ME?!!?


xD It was halarious!

...how am I supposed to follow THAT act?

Er. Well, this might be funny. I (F) was talking to my grandmother (G) today...

F: Um, well, I leave for Guam tomorrow.
G: Where's that?
F: It's, uh, like, by the Phillipines and Indonesia and...
G: Ugh, I know where Guam is. I've been there.
F: O.o Then why'd you just...
G: Yeah, I went there. I was so tired after that plane ride! Oh, where are you stopping?
F: Newark, then to--
G: Then to Nerida, then Guam?
F: Why do you keep--
G: Yeah, I went to Guam when I was in my fifties. But you know how that is.
F: No, I've never been there before, and I've certainly never been in my fifties.
G: Okay, well, you'll be asleep for three days. And five, if you're in your fifties.
F: I'm not in my--
G: Did you call your mom yet?
F: No, not yet.
G: Make sure you call her after nine so your phone is okay.
F: So my phone is--what?! ... Wait, I think I lost my husband.
G: Well maybe you should find a new one.

Something like that. I'm still wondering what she meant by my phone being "okay."

My friend called me one time and this was the entire conversation:
Me: Hey.
Friend:Hi....
After a few seconds.
Me: So what are you doing?
Friend: Nothing.
Me: Oh.....
Fifteen minutes go by without saying anything.
Me: I gotta go.
Friend: Bye.
~hang up~
That was awkward....I was watching Tv by the way.

Most awkward phone convo I ever had happened today...

Me-Hello?
Friend-Hey...do you remember that website....uh....4chan or whatever it was, where like, you upload photos, and it's just crazy?
Me-Yeah, what of it?
Friend-Well...uh...somebody uploaded some...photos...of me to it. Along with my phone number. Can you figure out who did it?
Me-Well...everything's done anonymously there, so unless I can detect their IP address, and then deduct where that came from...I can't...
Friend-Well how long does stuff stay up their?
Me-Well, uh...it...as new threads are created and people post in different threads, those threads are bumped to the top and ones that go without posts get bumbed down until they're deleted. Depending on what board it was uploaded to, it could take days or a few minutes. Also, if it's a popular thread and people constantly comment...
Friend-Well they also uploaded it to a porn website...
Me-Oh..wow...okay...well...I'll, uh, I'll see what I can do.
Friend-Okay, thanks.
END

I was redder than a tomato the entire conversation.

My friend (we'll call him Nero) has this weird way of always being so... strange.

N: Hey, Han?
M: What do you need, oh mighty one?
N: Can you help me with page eleven?
M: I thought you thought it was easy!
N: No, page TEN was easy. Page eleven was hard.
M: Wait, was? Did you alread-
N: HEY! Don't touch that!
M: Len-
N: Stop-no-THAT TICKLES!
M: (his full name)!
N: WHAT?!
M: Stop yelling at your sister!
N: I'll yell at her when I want!
M: No, you won't! And I am NOT helping you with your god fricking dang ALGEBRA!
N: Fine, I see how it is!
-five minutes of silence-
M: So, um, first you subtract the variable.
N: Oh, which one?
M: Uh, I think-
N: OH GOD THE POPSICLES ARE OUT TO GET ME!
M: I worry for you. Truly, I do.
N: Whatever for?
M: *hangs up*

That's how most of our conversations go.

xDD I just had a very awkward phone call with my boyfriend.

I was at the movie theature, in the bathroom and he calls, and since my phone is new, I don't know how to ignore calls yet, so I press a random button and accidently pick up.

Him: Hello?
Me: *in the distance* S!@#!!
Him: ...?
*sound of toliet flushing* (not mine)
Me: *hangs up*

Then once I was out of the bathroom, he called again. xDD That wasn't so awkward though.

So me and cousin went crazy with the prank calls today. Here's a couple:


Larry's Plumbing: Hi! This is Donna speaking, how can I help you?

Me: Where are my flowers?

LP: Excuse me?

Me: I ordered flowers TWO WEEKS AGO and they are still not here!!!!

LP: I think you have the wrong number ma'am, we're a plumb-

Me: WHERE ARE MY FLOWERS?!?!?!?!?!?!?

LP: -hangs up-

Me: -Calls again-

LP: Hi! This is Donna speaking, how can I help you?

Cousin: Where are my mom's flowers? What have you done with them?

LP: Maybe you're crazy or something but this is a PLUMBING CO-

Cousin: -hangs up because she couldn't control her laughter-

Me: -Calls back-

LP: Hi! This is Donna speaking, how can I help you today?

Me: DON"T YOU DARE CALL MY DAUGHTER CRAZY, YOU BITTER, FLOWER-EATING WOMAN!

LP: I'm calling the police on you freaks.

Me: YOU"RE STUUUUUUUPID!

-hangs up-


And then we just about died from laughter.


~Jasmine Bells

xDD Oh my God Jasmine that's halarious!