This piece was great-- the rhyming scheme was really smooth, seemed almost flawless in its subtlety. There was only one area that seemed a bit forced:
He says that I cannot hide, the other says I can confide within him, my deepest thoughts
In this part, I would change the last line.. it doesn't flow very well, interrupted my reading a bit. I would also omit the last line. It is unnecessary and seems forced. Other than that, I think this was wonderfully done. It was subtle, and conveyed the emotion and confusion very well. Great job.
Poem overall was great. I like the rhyme but the syllables seem off. You got good rhyming but how you did it was off because when i read it it seemed not to match with each line. Make sure to have similar syllables. Overall It was good. I like the topic. If you have any questions feel free to PM me.
SimonCowellLuver
3 facts: 1.You can't lick your elbow 2. you just tried it 3. I caught you cause i saw you
