Through The Glass

I throw a rock and the mirror breaks.
I cannot stand to see my face,
My hideous heart is now stone cold.
The air is like a wispy ribbon,
tying me down onto the ground.

Through the glass mirror I see what once was,
Someone beautiful, more than just a girl.
But does it matter ? I do not think it does.
They put me away, but it seems that I can still break.

Even though, through the glass, I can't see my face.

Hi,

The rhythm here is really great. I love the sound and flow of the piece, especially the half-rhyme in the first two lines. The last three lines are very good and I love how you isolate the final line-it makes it very powerful.

The only thing I'd change is;
"The air is like a wispy ribbon
Tying me down onto the ground".
The internal rhyme of "down" and "ground" is great, but I think the rest of it flows a bit bumpily. I'd try reading it aloud. Also I think "wispy ribbon" is a bit weak. I'd try for something more specific.

Hope this helps,

Jas

I like the feel of this poem. Especially the first line.

I throw a rock and the mirror breaks. I cannot stand to see my face,

The emotions are very true and it makes you think. Very awesome!! I definitely appreciate this poem. Keep up the good work!