Rise

Rise

Sunflower, rise
To the sun of longing, rise
From the weary, listless earth, rise
In your heart and soul, and embrace the warmth of June.

Sister, rise
To your heart of hearts, rise
Out of apathy, into empathy, rise
From the blurred boundaries of your mind.

Friend, rise
To meet the day with renewed vigor, rise
After so long a defeat, for lack of love, rise
With a courage that says ‘I will not stand away from night’s life
Or day’s death, but indeed become reborn of mind, of wit, of sentiment.’

Our hope, rise
From that unknown pain of youth, rise,
Clashing with the misty air, into the youth some spring, rise
Out of the ashes of a grey world, colorfully rise
To meet the day not regretting that you care, love, live, linger, rise…

Hi GildedLily
I'm not really sure about this piece. I would like to congratulate you on the originality and interesting structure of this piece.
This is rather uplifting piece, my one concern with it is that you seem to be moving between subjects and loosely tying them together with this theme "rise". I think you should focus on the themes: friend, sister etc.
Beside that I enjoy this piece, you have a very original touch.

I agree, it's very original. What I did like about it was how you did your syllables. They got longer and longer within a stanza and it stayed consistent. Keep up the good work!!







~Star

I agree with the other two reviewers that this poem is definitely very original and I also very much like how the number of syllables increases with each line. Though I do also agree about it sometimes being a recitation of different subjects that are rather loosely tied together. But the originality of this piece shows your potential so I think you'll craft a lot of interesting poems!