I opened the door and leaned outside, hanging onto to the hinge. My eyes were rapidly searching the hallway for my first glimpse of Stephen, and then finally, there he was; his crooked smile, his freckles, all of him, there. I raced toward him and we made our romantic, over-done embrace two doors down from my own. Of course the door would fly open, revealing our private moment to a middle-aged man with a comb-over, and his adorable daughter who looked to be about five years old.
“Ahem.” the child bluntly coughed.
I couldn’t help to smile. Stephen released me and we made a giggly apology. I took his hand and rushed into my apartment, eager to make up for lost time. Moments later, Stephen was lying on my bed, still fully clothed, I mounted him and his hands soon began to fiddle with my bra clasp. It finally came loose and he made good time in getting my shirt off as well.
“Your back is so smooth!” he gasped in between, well…gasps.
“Uh, yeah, new body lotion.” I quickly added.
With that I was reminded of Mark, and while Stephen continued our act of love with an uncontained frenzy, my mind became preoccupied with comparing the two of my lovers. Realizing that I had become distant I urged myself to be passionate, moaning demands and whispering his name.
“Come on.” I breathed.
“I don’t want to be too rough, and mess up your pretty hair there today.”
I knew he would notice. I gave him my best shot at a “don’t be funny” smile, I didn’t need an excuse, I could curl my hair if I wanted.
Later, all of our clothes back on, we sat on the couch devouring a pizza and watching a few blockbusters Stephen had missed while in South Africa. It was almost as if he had never left, except for a few things. Pizza was always just pepperoni and cheese. Mark had introduced me to pineapple on pizza and Stephen gave me quite the look when I changed the order. Whenever Stephen and I had watched movies, I sat on the end and he got to lie down on me, he took notice of the fact that I sat in the middle this time, ready and waiting to lean on him.
“Well then, I guess Toronto has changed your habits.” Stephen remarked jokingly when the final movie had ended.
“Well you know me, I like to switch it up sometimes.”
“No you don’t.” He looked at me accusingly.
“What do you mean? Of course I do! I love change!”
“No you don’t, Sarah. When I left four months ago, you liked trying new restaurants, and you always ordered something different. That was the extent of you “switching it up,” other than that you were a creature of habit. Everything had to be exactly the way you liked it, the way you’ve always done it, in a perfectly organized fashion.”
I was dismayed. I had changed, and he had noticed. What now?
“But it’s a good change right?…” I said innocently, puppy dog eyes in full force.
I was such a liar. He managed a smile, but I knew inside he was trying to push away thoughts of infidelity, convincing himself that I would never do that. He knew me so well, unless I wanted to get caught, I had to watch myself. I had to be the same old Sarah he’s always loved. With that thought I realized my engagement ring was still sitting on my dresser, thank god he hadn’t noticed.
“Gotta pee.” I quickly stated, and excused myself from the couch.
In the tiny bathroom I counted fifteen seconds, then flushed and washed my hands. Before heading back to the living room I swiftly visited my bedroom and stole my ring off my dresser, returning it to the fourth finger on my left hand.
Stephen was stretched out on his back taking up the entire couch when I got back, hands under his head and eyes closed, he looked so comfy. I suddenly felt very sentimental thinking of all the nights we had shared so similar to this, and all the times I had seen him in this exact position before. I had missed him all this time. I lid on top of him and cuddled into his broad, muscular chest. His eye’s fluttered open, “Hey cutie.”
I smiled at his signature line, one I’ve heard at least a million times, “Hey.”
“I love you, you know.” he said kissing each individual finger on my left hand. “And it’s nice to see you wearing that again.”
My jumped into my throat, he had noticed. There is no possible way he is completely unsuspecting now.
“Sorry, Babe, sometimes I just forget to put it back on after I do the dishes or something. I don’t want to put in water, I want to take good care of it.” I lied effortlessly, realizing I was pretty good at this.
“Are you sure that’s the reason? I’m sorry, I never thought I would have to accuse you of this, but…it feels like something is going on.”
He couldn’t look me in the eye to say that, and I realized how much this would hurt him if he ever found out. I snuggled closer and said, “Stephen, I love you, you know I would never do that to you. I will admit I’ve changed a little, but I moved to a much bigger place with no friends. I could have become who ever I wanted to be. Lucky for you though, I didn’t change that much. I’m still the same old Sarah who loves you very much and can’t wait to marry you…and who would never cheat on you, ever.”
There were a few seconds of silence and then he finally smiled, sincerely this time. “I know, I trust you. I’m sorry I thought that, I feel stupid now.”
“Don’t feel stupid, it’s okay.”
We kissed softly and I tried my hardest to make it go further, but Stephen didn’t seem interested. I felt that I needed to have sex with him right now, like I had to prove it to him that I wasn’t seeing anyone else…when truthfully I was.
“You know, I travelled a lot today, and it’s already two. I think I need to sleep, can this wait until morning?” He asked in such an apologetic tone I felt terrible for trying to seduce him.
“Sure, of course. I wasn’t even thinking about how tired you must be.”
“It’s okay.”
We headed to bed routinely; brushing our teeth together, putting on pyjamas, instead of ripping clothes off, climbing into separate sides of the bed. We feel asleep spooning, but not tightly, our bodies were barely touching. It was like we were already married, and boring…we were a normal couple and no one would have suspected a thing.
Suddenly I missed Mark’s hot, naked body pressed firmly against my own. Mark always covered me with his arm, and I liked that. Stephen kept more to himself when we slept, I didn’t even realize I liked to cuddle in bed until Mark. I listened to Stephen’s breathing, until I knew he was asleep. I slowly slid out of bed and crept to the living room to get my cell phone out of my purse. In the bathroom, I selected number one on my speed dial, “the sexy Irish man.”
