Ecstasy - An exercise in simile and metaphor

He enters the room like a king,
pulling towards a linen paradise.
Their lovemaking is like the parting of the sea.
Hot as the zenith.
Tiring as apathy.
Waves of ecstasy unfold like death
their bed engulfed by blood.
Disgusting as a pile of dust,
she is trembling like a child during first climax.
They rise like angels of judgment,
black as the wings of their fallen cousins,
as he enters the room like a king.

Hey,
i shall be your reviewer

crescentgaia wrote:He enters the room like a king,
pulling towards a linen paradise.
Their lovemaking is like the parting of the sea.
Hot as the zenith.
Tiring as apathy.
Waves of ecstasy unfold like deathAfter this line i get kind of lost.
their bed engulfed by blood.
Disgusting as a pile of dust,
she is trembling like a child during first climax.
They rise like angels of judgment,
black as the wings of their fallen cousins,
as he enters the room like a king.This last line work well.

The piece works but I'm confused as it feels like 2 separate poems being merged into one. That may just be me however.

The context of what is written is extremely good though. I like that.

~Retro Disco666

Hi, I'm Freak.
I kind of like this poem. It has it's good points and its...really silly points.

I'm not sure if you just put together a whole bunch of similes and metaphors that were sort of related because this is very hard to understand. And I know that's the point of a simile and metaphor, to get a deeper meaning, but this is just ridiculous - This was just how it sounded when I read it. Yes, it does work, but it doesn't seem to have a point. I have no idea if you're talking about death or sex? I don't mean to be disrespectful or rude but it was just what I thought. Like crescentgaia said, I got lost after the fifth line.

Very good similes, very good metaphors but it just sounds like two different subjects. Very good ending (I like the repetition of the first line). It is OK , just need clarification and that is what many people have a hard time with. Keep writing though, you're very good.

(Sorry If I sounded mean, I'm not usually that rude)
~ CreativeFreak,
'Cause I'm cool like that (not).