A dream for you.

I sit here in the corner,
pen and pad in hand.
As I wait to be inspired,
my mind goes straight to you.

You're not someone I know,
and I don't think that we've met.
You're simply simply someone in my head,
just someone to fill the void.

I see you in my dreams,
you're what keeps me asleep.
In the daylight you're not real,
at least, not for me.

I don't know what your name is.
I can't say where your from.
I don't know why you bother with me,
other then in dreams I matter.

So the hour is late,
and my mind is running slow.
I'll see you in my sleep tonight,
because there, I really can.

I can totally relate to this if you're this poem is about a potential story character. Sometimes I feel like my characters are real people and I actually like them better than some people I encounter in reality. At night, as I go to bed, they're there in my head, talking to me.


But maybe you're not even talking about what I think. Anyway, this poem was really cute and I didn't find anything wrong with it, so kudos. Keep up the good work!

Hi,

I really like the idea behind this, and the layout works very nicely. I love the first two lines of stanzas two and three.

I kept expecting this to have an abcb rhyme scheme and was disappointed when it didn't, so I'd experiment with that.

I'd try to make this more visual. What does the person in the speaker's head look like, move like, sound like? How does he or she constantly slip out of her grasp? I'd try to let the reader see what the speaker sees.

Hope this helps,

Jas

"You're not someone I know,
and I don't think that we've met.
You're simply simply someone in my head,
just someone to fill the void."
These lines give me the impression that you are writing about, not a specific person, but anyone that will fit the description.
It gives me the feeling of complacency as you aren't focusing on anything in particular.

Later on you give the same impression.

The vocabulary that you use is fairly simple, so If you were looking to improve it, be more articulate. However I am just nit picking as the feeling that I get from the poem is anxiety, desperation and the feeling of lost hope.
It is quite down beat, but in a good sense, as you really capture your emotions.

"So the hour is late,
and my mind is running slow.
I'll see you in my sleep tonight,
because there, I really can."
Here I am getting the feeling that you may be writing in a metaphoric tone, "the hour is late" might mean in your life or in this situation, and not chronologically.

Technically this is a good effort. In terms of capturing emotions: spot on!
Only way to improve is to be a bit more in depth and descriptive as I am getting mixed messages.

Overall impression: KEEP WRITING!

Hope this helped
LaMotta

Hi!

I really enjoyed the tone you have in this poem: it's wistful and heartfelt, which gives it believability. My general impression is that the someone you're addressing here represents the elusive "muse" that writers seek to find. I could be completely wrong, of course, but I liked how you presented your idea.

I agree with Jasmine Hart in that you might consider using the abcb rhyming pattern, because I feel it would help the poem's flow. Though I definitely thought many of your lines were very beautiful, the last one was somewhat jarring. That may just be the lack of the rhyme I was subconsciously expecting, however.

Overall, excellent job. Keep writing poetry!

--Glim