RAIN (Kiss Me in the Rain)

Reaching towards me,
Arms outstretched, you
Interlace your fingers with mine,
Never have I felt alone with you.

Right
After,
Inching
Nearer.

Rockets fly
And fireworks flash.
Impact!!
Now our lips dance together.

Re-living days we sang
As lovers
In lust.
Next week we will love each other more.

Remember to kiss me in the rain.
Allow yourself to fall.
I think that if we let ourselves go,
No chance we will ever be apart.

Hi there Jane,

First of all I'd like to say that I really enjoyed this piece. The title drew me in at first because it's a big life experience for all of us (hopefully ). My only criticism is that, for me, the "time line" sort of took away from the poem for me. Unless this is something that pertains to you as the writer, maybe instead of saying "right after" and "next week" you could say "Warm breath, inching nearer" or anything with imagery like that and "soon" instead of next week. Just my thoughts on the piece

PS. I'd like to say that I really liked the climax of the poem (Impact!!). It brought excitement to it that the beginning led up to well.

Rockets fly
And fireworks flash.
Impact!!

I liked the imagery in these lines, and you did a good job of tying them into the last line of this stanza, but why are there two exclamation points? There should only be one.

Overall, this poem could be much improved format-wise. Having the first letter of every line capitalized detracts from the poem, I feel, and gave some words undue emphasis. In addition, your punctuation could use a closer look. In particular, you seemed to have quite a lot of comma/period confusion. Poetry is generally punctuated the same as prose, and a good way to make sure that your poem is properly punctuated is to write it out in prose form to check.

Another thing you need to work on is imagery. Right now, this poem has almost none, which makes it bland and forgettable. It also makes this poem vague and difficult to visualize. Try showing the reader exactly how the narrator feels when they're with "you". Get a bit more creative with your turns of phrase. Small things like these can really add to your poem and make it more memorable.