The Flower in You

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The Flower in You

I held a minute seed unto my hand
It was the day I’m going to remember
I was looking for a good land
We walked and held hands together

As soon the sun was setting high
You showed me nothing but the hope of light
After two months, the plant grew longer
You said no one can ever come between us forever

It was raining hard during the cold night of December
We stayed in the rest house and nothing could be better
The plant was pale, hiding its own beauty
You said we have to dream, still believing

The snow was gone, I look at the flower
Calling you, and no respond
I thought the growing of plant was over
I saw you with another one,
Your affection to me was now over

The plant was deceased, I buried it under
Forgetting you, I need to move on
After weeks, another plant grew better
Telling there’s a special someone for me
Loving him at least will make me happier...

(hey everyone, I'm actually comparing the growing of a beautiful flower to a growing love on a couple... hope you liked it :o )
"Life is a poem keep it in the present tense." -Sherrel Wigal




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Hey hey! Very nice...

Your poem was beautiful. A bit shaky in rythym sometimes but maybe you intended that. Welcome to YWS! *Liked*

In Ink and Electronic Code,
TheNewHero




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As soon the sun was setting high


That should be,
"As soon as the sun was setting high"

Apart from that little error, I can't see much of any other problems, so, great piece!

With this post, however, I mainly want to congratulate you! This piece was the 4000th topic in the Dramatic Poetry Forum! That's a one in one thousand chance of getting a (insert # here) Thousandth topic, so lucky you!

Oh, and have a lucky day!
"I'm fearless in my heart
They will always see that in my eyes
I am the passion, I am the warfare
I will never stop
Always constant,
Accurate,
Intense"
"The Audience is Listening", by Steve Vai




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Hey Yuriiko!

I liked the idea of the poem but the poem itself was a bit shaky. If you tried to make it rhyme, I suggest you go over it one more time. Length wise, a bit long for my liking (that is to say I thought that each stanza grew in length, which I didn't like). Your choice of words was lovely but I found that some parts could do without some words. Example:
Telling there’s a special someone for me

I don't think you need to have for me. I thought that those two words ruined that last part for me :( .

Hope I wasn't too harsh on you but HAPPY REVIEWING DAY! :smt003

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter
"As I lay down on my bed, I look up at the sky, the stars and the moon, and I think to myself: Where the hell is the ceiling?" Unknown

"The fun is in the chase, never in the capture" Agatha Christie



If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven - and very, very few persons.
— James Thurber